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milesamsterdam13 karma

No. They will get angry when accused and cry/play the victim when caught. It will be your fault in their mind.

milesamsterdam9 karma

Thank you.

milesamsterdam9 karma

I had a sore throat for a month a couple years back. It was so bad I went to the VA. I told the doctor that I had been taking Maximum Strength Mucinex. The doctor gave a "prescription" and once I got it home I realized it was Minimum Strength Mucinex.

I had told the doctor that the mucinex was not working and her thoughts were to give me a weaker version of the same drug.

milesamsterdam6 karma

I am not an expert but I do have a passion for combating gaslighting.

The important thing is to call it out and do it in front of the person who is being gaslighted. The abuser will never change but you must train the victim to recognize the behavior and how not to give in to toxic thinking.

Keep repeating the truth and do not let them dictate it to you. If you’re lucky they will cut you out of their life and spare you the trouble. They hate the truth the most.

However, if they don’t cut you and the child out of their lives then they will change tactics. They’ll move on to negging. They’ll yell at the kid for any little error and insult them endlessly. If that isn’t enough or the kid stands up to their abuser then they’ll start intimidation. “I’ll kick you out of my house! I’ll whoop your ass! And blah blah blah.” Or isolation. They’ll get over the fight and “honeymoon” the victim. Treat them like they’re the best thing ever and like you’re the enemy when you still treat them like an abuser. So next time you call them out it’ll look like you’re being mean.

Ultimately shutting the steel door is the only way but if that isn’t available you must fight for the victim’s sanity. The victim must learn to combat these tactics because abusers never change.

I’m dealing with this in my personal life with a loved one’s boyfriend and I nailed that stupid asshole with every word he spoke.

Read the book mentioned above and The Gift of Fear by Gavin DeBecker. It has tons of information about how people manipulate others.

milesamsterdam3 karma

I would like to know if these rules I have been using in my life are effective in helping identify and correct manipulative behavior, stop creating victims, and what you would do to make them better?

Rule 1. In a relationship you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do; you don’t owe anyone anything. Ever.

Rule 2. Prescribed Relationship: any relationship which begins in a professional or any other context in which an imbalance of power exists. e.g. your doctor, teacher, student, patient, coworker, boss, employee, bar tender, waitress, star of your movie, etc.

To use a position of power to coerce, force, or manipulate someone into a personal/sexual relationship is abuse.

Rule 3. negging, gaslighting, forced teaming, playing the victim, isolation, intimidation, and control are abuse. They lead to violence. They will kill you and after they do they will still say, “I’d never hurt them.”