mikemulloy

it was my first time ever getting heckled at the now defunct Comedy Vault. I was wearing a pink shirt i believe and someone yells

Heckler: "Nice shirt, faggot"

Me: "Yeah, I just grabbed the first thing I could find, your mother had customers waiting"

H: "My mom just died, you asshole!"

M: "Of disappointment in you?" (total knee jerk reaction)

Heckler gets up and leaves and someone from his table just screams "she got shot in the face!"

I tried to keep my self from laughing for the rest of the set, and I get back stage and the headliner tells me the kid is outside and wants to fight me. I was just like fuck it, lets see, and nobody was there. he totally ribbed me.

it ranges from "go fuck yourself" to "what's your job? do it for free for me right the fuck now"

thanks dick. haha. it was a few months ago. it was a 10 oclock show and i was told i could do whatever i wanted as far as material. I get on stage and there's a table of 10 90 year olds staring me down. i don't think i've ever eaten my dick harder than I did that set. They weren't looking at me like they were mad, just disappointed.

it's probably cuz he had a shitty mother, frankly

actually scratch that. here's one of my favorite street jokes.

so this farmer is out tending to his sheep and he sees one of the sheep has his head stuck in the fence. He's long been a widow and hasn't had sex in years and he's just dying to get it out of his system so he figures, hey how bout I have sex with this sheep?

So he's having sex with the sheep and his neighbor sees. He strolls over and says 'hey can i have a turn?"

the farmer says sure and before he can say anything else, he looks over and sees his neighbor with his head in the fence.