mianblack

Mr. Niccol, this is Michael Ian Black, noted expert and very famous. A while ago, I asked to become the new spokesperson for Taco Bell, appealing directly to President Obama to make this happen. He did not. Now I am forced to go over his head and speak to you personally.

As a longtime fan of Taco Bell, I would like to become your company's new spokesperson. I have extensive experience as a spokesperson (Pets.com, Sierra Mist, AllState, Klondike, etc.) and two million Twitter followers. Furthermore, I enjoy money, and would love to receive a lot of money from you.

Here is a video I made asking President Obama to make me the Taco Bell spokesperson.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UpTW0YGCQPg

Please address this situation at your earliest convenience. Until then, I remain your brother in tacos.

Thank you, Michael Ian Black (very famous)

Mr. Niccol, Michael Ian Black again. If that video didn't convince you, perhaps this second video I made will. As you can see, I am excellent at making videos.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KTjPo6QvhV8

Want to thank everybody for upvoting this to get Mr. Niccol's attention. This is obviously something America wants. As the future spokesperson for Taco Bell, I promise to bring the same diligence and nose to the grindstone attitude that has resulted in my having so very many canceled television shows over the years.

Mr. Niccol, if you are reading this, that last line about the "canceled television shows," was a self-deprecating remark, but was in no way intended to imply that I would have Taco Bell canceled. The only person who could do that is Vladimir Putin.

It has now been over six hours since I posted my original comment to Mr. Niccol. Six hours since his stated desire to "try to answer more later." While there are hundreds of comments seeking his response, the Reddit community has decided that mine is, by far, THE MOST IMPORTANT ONE. I say this, not out of arrogance, but out of a love for democracy.

Mr. Niccol, why do you hate democracy?

Because I am an avid reader of business and management books, I know that the most important thing a candidate for a position can do is clearly state his/her goals. I have stated mine. I wish to become a Taco Bell spokesperson and be paid handsomely for that work. I stated my qualifications and enclosed not one, but two videos I created which clearly demonstrate my suitability for the position. If these videos were good enough for the President of the United States, I hope they are good enough for you.

Mr. Niccol, we are not children. We are business people. So I understand if your company has no need for my services at this time. But I have seen your recent advertising and, while it is good, I believe I can make it better. How? Jazz hands and enthusiasm.

I have more ideas, but those will cost you.

Since I approached you earlier today, I have received a tremendous amount of interest from one of your competitors whose name I will not mention (Totino's pizza rolls). Do I like pizza rolls? Sure I do. Do I like Taco Bell more than I like Totino's? I wouldn't be making this final appeal if I did not.

Mr. Niccol, look within your heart. A gordita is just a gordita, but a gordita with heart is family. That previous sentence, admittedly, did not make much sense. But now it is late I have had a couple of cervezas.

Make me your spokesperson. If not for me, then for the good people of Reddit who have done nothing but treat you with the respect and compassion a purveyor of discounted Americanized ethnic fast food deserves.

Thank you, Michael Ian Black (noted expert, very famous)

Hi Ken, Michael Ian Black here. What do you like best about me, and why?