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lleexxiiie44 karma

First off - thank you SO MUCH for asking!

No one is damaged, but sadly that belief is what left me homeless. We're kids who have been through a lot, but we are still kids.

I strongly reccomend looking into it, especially reaching out to a local foster care organization that can help you look into it. Plus, they can also train you on how to parent a teenager and provide support when you do become a foster mom. I'd be happy to help you locate an agency or give you more resources, send me a PM

Also, check out Dave Thomas Foundation (the founder of Wendy's). They have some great resources on fostering/adopting older kids! https://www.davethomasfoundation.org

lleexxiiie21 karma

I experienced the same thing - my uncle was prohibited from fostering us due to the amount of space in his home. Far too often, agencies entrusted with caring for foster kids are too concerned with regulations and policies than the child's best interest. The universal golden standard of child welfare is putting their needs first, even when it means waiving a few unharmful standards. We need to start doing that.

lleexxiiie21 karma

I had a staff member encourage me to kill myself after they let me keep razors in my room (usually you had to sign them back in). It was on Father's Day, and I told her I felt very depressed.

I witnessed many girls be restrained for something as simple as crying. They would be thrown on the ground by male staff, twisted and contorted. It was always the same girls. I was too scared to do anything. Thankfully, this place was shut down.

lleexxiiie20 karma

Well, it saves our life. Kids are often taken from their biological homes because their life is at stake, so at least they are alive in foster care. And not every foster care experience is like mine, some people have a much more positive experience. I think it helps each child, in varying degrees.

And for having the girl leave you - it is NOT a lesson in futility. Believe it or not, I had a foster home when I went to college but left to try to reunite with my bio family. Whether or not they are "legally" our parents, the need to reunite with your parents is strong and sometimes enough to overpower rational actions. I know, personally, that even though I left that home after they worked so hard to help me, they changed me. In many ways, they saved me by showing me love and support. You truly are an angel for doing that, I hope you know that :)

lleexxiiie19 karma

Knowing that if someone harmed me, I would get moved. I wouldn't have to suffer for long because I had a social worker watching me. Plus, I get my college paid for which is clutch since tuition is steep.