littlehellflames

Oooh, that's a hard one!

I guess I thought someone would ask if cancer is the same as in the movies or on TV. It's not. Not even slightly. The only show I've seen come close to portraying that internal struggle so well is Breaking Bad and the cancer story-line was forgotten about pretty quickly in that.

Forget everything you think you know about cancer sufferers and survivors. We are not delicate flowers or rays of fucking sunshine. Cancer turns life into a battlefield, not a Nicholas Sparks novel.

We have seen death, tasted it, slept beside it night after night in crowded hospital wards. We've felt it burn in our veins and protrude through our skin, trying to kill us from the inside out. It is a part of us now, mapped out in old scars and stubbly heads no matter how quickly we announce our second chances to the world.

We are the ones who knock.

Dude. So many fucking times you wouldn't believe it. My mother used to ask me to do it for people.

Other favourites included Lord Voldemort and Sinead O'Connor.

Hi there! Thank you :) I hope my answer helps inform you a bit because before it happened to me, I didn't ever know someone with cancer etc. could develop PTSD as a result.

There's no information on it and cancer together that I could ever find by Googling, but I'm living proof. Even I didn't believe it at first because "only vets and victims of trauma get that" - but cancer is a trauma. Like spending months at war and coming home. There'll be moments from those months that fuck you up. You can't forget them, you close your eyes and you're there again, crying, scared, lost and panicking like fuck.

My formative years as an adult revolved around chemo and death and sickness, so I'd imagine that was also a factor. It was kind of all I knew. Left school, rolled up to the chemotherapy ward. Then I was released to the big bad world with no education, no college place, no more friends, no job, nothing to go home to but my family and myself.

Smells, sounds, "trigger words", being in hospitals, cancer on TV - all of these things had the ability to bring on crippling panic attacks anytime, anywhere at the drop of a hat.

For instance, I was visiting a friend once and we were all laughing, joking etc. I was really stoned which at the time meant no flashbacks, usually. We were watching some show and someone mentioned a bone marrow biopsy. Straight away like a cutaway scene from Family Guy, I was back on an operating table with a doctor shoving a biopsy needle into my hipbone. I excused myself from the room and sobbed in the toilet while trying not to vomit until my boyfriend came and got me to go home.

This was constant. Depression took hold and I stopped leaving the house unless I had to or I was with my boyfriend. Or stoned. (Weed helped a lot, I would credit it for pulling me out of my funk as much as my anti-depressants. )

I couldn't let go of the idea of being sick. It consumed me. I clung to it because it was the only "real" thing about me. I replayed scenes over and over in my head until I wanted to bleach my brain clean. I developed hypochondriac tendencies. A cough or a pain was enough to send me running back to the doctor again.

One day, I told my GP everything I'd been feeling and she told me it was PTSD. Had me referred to a therapist who has been brilliant from day one. After extensive counselling, I've been able to let it go.

No more flashbacks, no more crying in public places, no more smashing dishes when someone on TV has cancer. It's all g.

I'll take that as a compliment. Thank-you. 😊

During treatment: don't smother them. They're the same person, they just happen to have a tumour. Nothing else has changed. If they need help then they will ask. Trust them to make their own decisions, including on support groups, treatment courses etc. Trying to dictate everything feels like you're taking away the last bit of freedom cancer left behind.

Try to keep them busy. Idle hands are the Devil's work, and so is an idle mind IMO. Chemo is boring, staying at home all day is boring, being sick is boring. Get them Netflix and nice blankets, puzzle books, video games, whatever it is that'll give them something to look forward to on the nights where they can't sleep. There'll be plenty.

If they need to scream/cry/rant, let them. Don't try to soothe them if they're having a rage about cancer - it's therapeutic, and no one will ever understand it exactly like they do.

Always, always ALWAYS visit them in the hospital if they're in for a long-term stay. My town was 40 mins from the hospital and I spent so long wishing more people would visit. :(

Post-treatment: don't expect the world. Let them take their time. If they say they're not up for drinks at the bar etc., don't be mad because "hey, they beat cancer months ago, they're fine!" That's not cool.

If you think they might be depressed, encourage them to see a professional. Mental health post-cancer can really take a nosedive if it's not taken care of properly.

And most importantly, don't take any of it personally. If the person was snippy/upset one day, demand an apology because they're being an asshole and then brush it off.

PS: Don't forget to take care of yourself either! It's hard having a relative or loved one who's going through this. My mother struggled a lot when I was sick and it hurt me to see her in pain. Self-love, seeing a support group or a therapist, and taking care of your own needs is v v v important. :)