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liseleblanc41 karma

Great question... Although we are sincere when we say, “Let me know if you need anything”, we have to also realize that the caregiver can be so overwhelmed that they don’t even know what they need. So if you’ve offered to help and they haven’t yet taken you up on your offer, take the initiative to check in by phone, by text or in person. Say things like: • I’m on my way to the grocery store. Do you need anything? • Can I bring you a coffee? • Any chance you’d want to get out for a walk?

In other words offer concrete support.

liseleblanc11 karma

Guilt is a big one! And the thing with guilt is that our family members and the people closest to us know exactly how to push our emotional buttons (consciously or subconsciously). I KNOW it is possible to have an honest conversation with them about how this is affecting you, and there are many key strategies in the Conscious Caregiving Guide to help you do this. Here is one key strategy... make it about you! Instead of saying things like "you make me feel guilty when you do... fill-in the blank), try using the O.P.E.N communication strategy. This communication strategy is aimed at giving you a new way to communicate so you can provide the best possible care and avoid the miscommunications that often result in guilt, frustration, or other emotions. In the OPEN communication strategy, the O stands for Observation, the P stands for Perception, the E stands for Emotion, and the N stands for Need.

So tell them what you're objectively observing, what your perception of it is, the emotion it's stirring in your and what you need in order to have a better connection with them.

Hope this helps!

liseleblanc9 karma

Take care of yourself NOW. There is a caveat to this though because I don’t think most people really know what taking care of themselves really means. As a therapist, I thought I knew all about “self-care,”, and when I was heading for a burnout, my initial response was to eat more spinach, do yoga, go to the gym more often, make an appointment for a massage, hair, nails because my understanding of self-care was simply to take more time to pamper myself. But it turned out these were just more things to do, more appointments, and more obligations. The typical methods of self-care were not working for me and were actually making things worse. Don't get me wrong, I think these strategies can be great and they can be helpful, but they often don't get to the core of why you're burning out in the first place. It's kinda like getting stabbed in the leg and putting a bandage over it without taking the knife out first. Or like being in a boat that is leaking and trying to bail it out with plugging the leak first. You'll still bleed out or sink!

liseleblanc8 karma

Yes and a key takeaway to what you just said is: ACCEPT the help that is offered. As a caregiver who has experienced burnout, I wanted to be the family hero, I was afraid of looking weak or incapable, I didn't want to put anything on anyone else, so I'd say "thanks for the offer, but I'm good". So yes, sometimes we just have to YES to the help that is offered and be grateful for the people who love us enough to care. Your comment also reminds me of how good it feels to help someone and so why do we rob others of this satisfaction by saying no to their genuine offers to help.

liseleblanc8 karma

Even though you may not think you’re going to be a caregiver, based on the statistics (one in four people are providing informal, unpaid care to a family member or friend and that the number of seniors requiring care is set to double in the next 15 years), most us will be a caregiver at some point. This can happen at any age and stage of life so it is important that we plan and prepare for it.

I designed the Conscious Caregiving Guide as a step by step, easy to absorb plan for working through the illness of a loved one and tackling the caregiving role while staying happy and healthy along the way. Sometimes the greatest gift you can give a loved one is to show them you are still able to enjoy your life to the fullest while caring for them.