lawandhodorsvu

My daughter died 1 year and 9 months ago. I thought we would be fine. Our families were supportive, I had experienced grief. I knew the depression would come and eventually go. My wife had never experienced grief. She at first couldnt do anything. I felt if I could get her back to feeling like herself, Id have time to mend on my own. So I went back to work, got into my routine and helped out as much as I could. The more I gave the less she wanted to do. When she went back to work, months later, it wasnt the same. She was very social and everyone knew she was pregnant but no one wanted to share the bad news with her clients or coworkers so it seemed like every day she was asked about our baby. She worked in an industry with a decent amount of headhunting and immediately wanted a fresh start. I explained to her how making big decisions while grieving was often a bad idea. Yet I completely understood wanting to avoid having to see the people that knew and didnt know. A fresh start maybe for the best? So I supported it.

We tried again and immediately conceived but only a month in, the pregnancy failed. She had to force the miscarriage. She told me she couldnt do it any more. I did what I could but at this point my depression had swallowed me. I couldnt see, she meant me.

A few months later, she confesses a moment with the new boss that crossed the line, my depression was no longer a little problem but had turned me into someone she was not in love with, and that she did not see kids in her future. We tried couples counseling for a month before she moved out.

We've been divorced for months now. Im dating again. I feel the depression more in check (couples counseler became my own therapist and literally a life saver). Im pushing myself to do new things. Some of them suck, but some arent so bad.

I know theres no sense thinking of the different ways it could have gone but I do think the social stigma and just horrible way she returned to work made everything harder on us. I wish people cared enough to say more than sorry, to offer to help and follow through with it. I lost most my friends in the divorce but Im happy to say the ones I still have are the ones that made the effort to see us during the hard times, buy a dinner, take me out for a drink, hear me complain for ridiculous amounts of time about how bad the last star wars movie was (because I was supposed to see it when she was born, saw it after she died, and now for whatever reason have linked the two). So if someone you know has this happen, be there. Make an effort. They will appreciate it later, even if they cant right away.

And if it happens to you. Seek help. The sooner the better and even when things seem alright, keep trying.

For Cadence.

Oh right an ama.. what did you do with the stuff? I still have a box of all the things. I take it out, I cry. I put it back. Then what?

Or dragging Mexico as a scapegoat for all our drug/crime troubles.

Or dragging Canada as a scape... wait no blame Canada for all that shit.

I left in 2012. I worked there for over five years and started as a teller worked up to a branch manager in two years. Each state can vary greatly so I'll specify that I worked in WA state. There was always a sales culture (January lol) and there's nothng inherently wrong with a bank selling you products.

However there was a change in my state that happened around 2011. After the crash Wells Fargo Financial, the shitty shady subprime division shut down. Officially these people were to be laid off. Instead they began taking key management positions as existing management left to other banks (Union primariy). It dominoed as each financial person that got hired on would hire more of their former employees. The practices were changed and continued to force out legacy employees and make room for former financial employes.

After a year of this the numbers are growing exponentially. Sales goals were 200% of the goals from just two years prior and people are blowong them out of the water.

The final straw for me was a manager meeting where when I walked in the room. The whiteboard has "if you're not cheating, you're not trying" in bold. Each manager was grilled for new commitments to give referrals to tellers. I walked out and left a week later to another institution.

After I left I got an exit survey. Happy to comply I dropped names, dates, collaborating employees names that could verify the meeting etc. The result? Every single one of the people I named has been promoted at least once since I left and all but one still work for the company. District, region, and state level have all been complicent for over 5 years now.

Topping on the cake, I looked into going back to WF in the mortgage division (believe it or not they are a great lender and this fraud is all in the retail side). Turns out my exit survey only resulted in me being blackballed and not eligible for rehire. All for the best though, I ended up getting a better opportunity.

Anyways, I'm curious about the region/state op worked in and if you noticed a shift around the same time?

Let him be wrecked for a time. Its okay. He may never feel like he's "moved on". Thats okay too. Lean into eachother when you can. When you need space say so and say why. The more you communicate the hard things the better he can do the same.

No easy roads, but people will be rooting for you both. Take them up on it when you can.

Thanks, getting there. Its weird being single after 13 years of only thinking about one person. A lots changed, but people in general are pretty supportive so Ive still got some hope left.