kittanjaan

Some thoughts: 1- it’s hobbies time baybeee! Following little interests turned into some of the most interesting and enjoyable life experiences. 2- think of your life as having 9-12 categories. Include spirituality, romantic relationship, fitness, friends, intellectual stimulation. Are you a 10/10 in all of these categories? Sounds like you have 2 down (career and finances). Starting by seeing the others as worthwhile will bring its own questions and open up new areas to blossom! Enjoy!!

I “retired” for the first time at 28, willing to simmer through my savings to enjoy however much freedom I could afford. I’m 31 now and still going, it has become a way of life with new meaning and new, enjoyable livelihood popping up unexpectedly. I have fewer quantity people I keep up with, but the quality of my connections is deeper and I feel like I make a good impact on everyone I cross paths with, unlike my old self (who was still sweet but fundamentally suffering inside). If you’re looking for someone to say Go for it — here I am.

Hi! This is something I’ve been working on for years and feel happy about my progress. Here I would ask — what’s a third option? Trying new tactics doesn’t typically work with dismissive people, and I don’t want that for you re “just accepting it.” Is there a third option? There might be many if you do an internet search of “how to set boundaries” or “how to deal with toxic family members.” I tried a mix of many different approaches until I found something good for me. My experience is that I had to become about 5x more confident in myself and my choices — boundaries are about keeping stuff out, but that is much easier when you are crystal clear on what you want to keep IN. At that point, other people’s opinions just become little obstacles to gracefully dance around. I found people stopped having opinions, or I stopped caring as much, when I was completely satisfied with my life, from the inside. And I don’t want to misrepresent what “completely satisfied” means … we are always growing and evolving, but at least I reached a point where, as Doc pointed out, there wasn’t a loud part of me that secretly wondered if the naysayers around me were right.

Not OP but — Been there! Or, somewhat close to there. Wait, not close but … here I am still answering your question. My input is: don’t start with career. That’s too big and setting yourself up for jitters or disappointment. Start with “what do I want to do RIGHT NOW?” How do I want to spend the next 15 minutes? Then work up to afternoon, then work up to day. Finding what you want to do is a muscle you can build. Going after a new career right away is like lifting hundreds of pounds when you’ve been inactive for a while. Small steps and a little patience with yourself through the process!

Not OP but — Are you aware of what the hurdle was? Many of us learn slowly and for different reasons. Is it something you can work on? For me, I need to ask hundreds of questions to learn something. I didn’t have confidence to do that at a job and it made things much harder and really hurt my confidence. Often the shame of the issue is worse than the issue itself. If you can look at this as a problem to solve (and be open to an interesting unexpected solution! Like maybe you fit somewhere outside the box of your profession) rather than something to be ashamed of, I hope that helps a bit! You will find your place! And you deserve happiness and self compassion in the meantime.