kinkyghost

Short question:

Do you have any advice for someone who is successful at meeting women through online dating and seeing them for a few to several months but has a hard time falling in love?

Long version:

I have these different ideas about how maybe I am not rejecting people early enough or setting my standards high enough in the beginning, but I also have the idea that maybe some part of me is holding out emotionally or something and not letting myself commit or fall in love or something. Like finding some reason why a person is not right for me (although sometimes they might be valid - like different goals for children vs no children or not prioritizing health in the same way).

When I was younger and had less experience it felt like I started to develop feelings for anyone I slept with or dated but now it feels like it's rare for me to get those butterflies or get lost looking in someone's eyes on a first date.

I don't know what to do, if I'm just being shallow or something, but sometimes it seems like when I meet someone for a date or two that I find extremely physically attractive I start to feel those crush feelings but at the same time I don't know if it's worth holding out for that type of situation or if those are just feelings that will only be there in the beginning, whereas girls I've met that I shared a really good sense of humor with are people I would like to be with all the time as a friend even if we weren't romantic.

I just can't figure out what I should prioritize or how to 'fall in love' so I end up in these long hookups that don't lead anywhere.

How common is it for a couple to hire you to photograph one of them having sex with a third person who is not part of their relationship? I always wanted to have a professional photographer take those kinds of photos of my partner when I was in relationships with someone open-minded enough to do that.

Second question, how do you help reassure couples where one or both person is afraid of the photos being spread or leaking to the public?

In America there's increasing popularity of Instagram influencers who are 'fitness models' with crazy legs and butts and it increases the popularity of weightlifting and bodyweight workouts among the general public, do you think there's a similar social media 'fitness model' or nice butt/legs on social media in China that will increase popularity of weightlifting or bodyweight squat and lunges in China? Is there any increase in importance of 'curves' in the lower body / muscle in the lower body in China or is the emphasis on being 'thin'?

Hi John,

I am curious if you've ever seen research on how changes in a person's frequency of profanity use changes the brain's reaction to / excitement caused by that language. Sort of the 'hedonic treadmill' effect / lose the thrill from exposure.

It would seem that similar to other forms of stimuli, there might be a phenomenon by which thrill seekers would become inured to a particular swear word and then to achieve the same thrill might need to use ever more shocking language.

I wonder how that phenomenon affects the cultural evolution of profanity. As traditional 'swear words' seem to become less charged, do we see emergence of new swear words or categories of swear words that are still shocking?