itslieutenantcolumbo

I think you may be distracting too abruptly? The bank account one is really coming among people with dementia. You can ask "why do you think that?" "You still pay all your bills and have your house, so you still have money." "We can visit the bank on Saturday and you can ask them." That burns some time, then when you try to move on to the next subject, she'll be more likey to follow you. The effort you're putting in is really admirable!

You called?

I can talk a little bit in examples about my grandmother. She's pretty squarely in the moderate dementia category, and lived with us up until a month ago.

For intuitive thought, one thing that comes to mind is my relation to her. Because she's lived with me for so long, she intuitively treats me like her granddaughter. We're comfortable around each other, she expects me to help her, etc. However, during a memory test, she most likely wouldn't be able to list the people who live with her, or answer the question "How is itslieutenantcolumbo related to you?"

So to live experientially is to leverage that intuition and avoid causing distress about holes in the rational mind. Caregivers who are close to someone with dementia tend to want to "test" the rational mind, out of concern. "Hey mom, don't you remember what this song is from?" "So what did you get at the restaurant last night?" But those questions are ultimately going to be distressing. Better questions are "Do you like this song? I think it played when you were younger." Or "Was dinner good last night?" Those questions allow the person to rely on his/her emotional state to respond, instead of trying to use recall.

Finally, for caregiver fatigue, don't underestimate what you do! My grandma lived with us for 8 years. 3+ years of needing us to drive, plan her days, and give her food (she couldn't prepare her own). She only needed someone home 24/7 for about 2 weeks before she moved. But after she moved, the weight lifted off my entire family was immense. Even though the physical tasks might be small, the subconscious tension can be enormous. Be compassionate to yourself. I'd look for day programs/family members that can give you a tension free hour/day/week as a break.

If you had the funds to implement one social program in the community, what do you think would help these kids grow up to be successful?