insanethrownaway

Hey Dr Amen, I've been diagnosed with many mental illnesses, the diagnosis keeps changing based on what I view as primitive methods of diagnosing. I don't believe I have any of the illnesses I was diagnosed with except maybe a mild case of autism (I was diagnosed with ADD, bipolar disorder, PTSD, schizoaffective, bpd, MDD, and a bunch of others).

I'm hypersensitive to medications in general, and while receiving anti psychotic medications (when the good doctors at the VA thought I had schizoaffective disorder), I became dissociated/depersonalized, or "lost my feelings," as I describe it. I can't feel time pass, I can't feel anything positive, I can't feel anything but negative things, and even those are "muted" in a weird way, it's like it's not me experiencing them. It's been years like this even though I've done every kind of therapy there is and tried every prescription medicine offered for mental health.

I'm going to Amsterdam in the next few months to try MDMA, heroin, and ketamine because I've concluded from my readings that they might do the trick.

I just want to feel again, and I know that it's like an on/off switch that is currently off. I know I'm not giving you enough information, but based on what I told you, what do you think will turn it "on"? I would like to experience time and positive feelings and just be me again.

I asked my VA psychiatrists for a scan after seeing one of your videos (the video was recommended to me by a psychologist at the same VA, funnily enough) and they said that I don't need one. I can't afford to do it out of pocket, can you recommend a way to get it done cheap or for free?

Thank you for the response, I feel less alone because of how your situation is eerily similar to mine, right down to the brain "buzzing." I even make music but I stopped since all I can make in my condition is extremely sad and depressing. It's been about 4 years for me.

I'm photosensetive so I never considered that being out in the sun could help, but I will give outdoor exercising a shot since it helped you. Thanks again for your input, I really appreciate it.