illiternati

So I married a woman that's used to a better lifestyle than we can actually provide for each other. We actually make a good deal of money, but not the amount she always dreamed she was going to have as a kid. I grew up very poor, and as far as I'm concerned, based on what I had and what I was told to expect, I feel as if we're living like the Rockefellers.

I've read a lot of good marriage counseling books, and we did couples therapy though our church before we got married, she's even seeing a social worker to help. But sometimes it comes out, little bits, biting bits that hurt my pride and my feelings and make me even feel a little bit ashamed, because I know she would have done so much better had I not seduced her away from a social circle that had a lot more wealth than I reasonably expect to.

She is my princess, she is my everything, but I it hurts my heart to know she wants a bigger house and newer cars and more frequent vacations, and it's just not in the finances for us. In the past I was really upset and would point out that we are in the top x percent of American earners and we certainly shouldn't be unhappy. Her actually very valid response to this is that: "Yea, but pointing out where other people make less than we do doesn't change our situation any. Pointing out that other people have smaller houses than we do doesn't make my house bigger, pointing out that everyone you work with at the hospital drives older uglier cars doesn't make my car suddenly not the oldest car in the parking lot of the accounting firm."

We're pretty open and I feel like we communicate well, okay, we communicate at least fair to midland, bedroom life is good, we get along pretty well 95% of the time, but I really feel we just look at life in different ways. When I go chill out on the back patio, I think "Man this is the life" and she looks around and sees things to be ashamed of.

Any kind of advice for that?

Okay, thanks a lot, I'm familiar with Dr. Gottman, and I appreciate the advice. She came back from an eye appointment just now, and we had a pleasant conversation, I'm pretty sure everything is going to be just fine. Thank you again, that was a really pleasent video. I think I've decided I can't expect to change the parts about her that make me feel uncomfortable and invalid, but what I can do is make sure I treat her the best I can when I can, which isn't the same as hitting the lotto, but it does help.