honestgoing

I've been cheated on by all three men I've been in a relationship with and I don't trust men anymore.

A common piece of advice I hear is "You're choosing the wrong men. What do they all have in common?"

My brain answers "They were men with functional penises." I get the idea 🙄 supposedly, the advice goes, I'm choosing the wrong men and they must all have something in common, and that one element, should I identify it, is a feature I should isolate and recognize and refuse to date people with that common characteristic.

I mostly think that's bullshit and hold the individuals who made the choice to cheat responsible, rather than holding myself responsible for them cheating because I wasn't psychic enough to predict it. They were very different anyway. And if I list the generic things they had in common that I was attracted to - attractive, smart, funny, Active, etc, that basically leaves me dating ugly dumb boring guys, and at that point why bother dating... So I basically hate that line of logic.

I've also been preemptively blamed by people who don't even know details about my sex life saying I probably don't put out enough or that I'm too clingy which makes them cheat. Anything to avoid blaming the actually person who cheats I suppose 🙄

So, is there any advice you'd give someone who is considering giving up dating because of being betrayed too often... That doesn't essentially blame the victim?

As a woman, if the guy approaching me really was a pick up artist, I'd appreciate a warning.

I'd probably walk away from the whole thing thing to avoid people