holiday650

Hi fellow former crack and heroin addicted baby here. As someone who's in her 30s, pursing her doctorates and lived a happy, healthy and well adjusted life...keep doing what you're doing and thank you for doing the noble and hard work of loving that child!

I had no desire what so ever do drugs. I was terrified it would trigger some unknown biological thing and I'd be down the rabbit hole of drugs quicker than the average person. Research I've done says that not actually what happens but tell that to a 12 year old kid. Lol. I also just internally knew a lot of people were fighting for me to succeed and I didn't want to let them down.

When I got to college and drugs became the norm for my friends it was just known and respected if they came out, I would leave. I didn't even touch weed until it was recreationally legal in CA. It just wasn't worth it for me.

I'm pretty up front about the circumstances of my birth. So if I'm ever slightly peer pressured to do something, I joke that I've already tried them, got clean and been sober for 32 years.

Edit: grammar

So much advice! Obviously I can't use myself as the only outcome. However, I have several friends, colleagues and students (been working in the child welfare field for 11 years) who also turned out just fine when they were (as you said already) in the right environment.

My biggest advice would be to continue to nurture him in educational settings. Back in the day it was assumed all narcotic addicted kids should he placed in special education because of the unknown developmental delays. My foster mom faught tooth and nail to keep me out of special education and keep me in a regular classroom. Clearly that worked because I'm getting my doctorates from USC.

Regarding the biological "family" (I personally call them spem and egg donors). My foster mom was always open and honest and never harbored any resentment, anger or kept anything from me and always instilled unconditional love, that nothing was my fault and ensured I had access to therapy when I was a bit older to work anything out.

I'm unsure if your kiddo looks like you and your husband or your family but if he doesn't there may be some identity issues later in life. Especially when he starts going to school. Kids are cruel and as much as we as a society want to believe we're color blind, we're not. Let's just say I had to work that out in therapy later in life. Haha.

I'm happy to have an offline conversation as well, shoot me a dm and we can exchange info! For context I'm not some rando, I've been working in the child welfare field for 11 years and now in child welfare policy in California.

Bahahaha. That's pretty funny actually. It's fucked up just how many children are born under these circumstances, but if we can't joke a bit about it together, it'll just consume us. Thanks for the laugh and also acknowledging the shitty-ness for those innocent kids!

Hahaha. I'm quite secure in my identity for sure.