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hellohannaahh23 karma

I might be too late to the party but I’m super appreciative that you’re doing this AMA so I’m shooting this out anyways..

I was in recovery from anorexia for almost 4 years. Until about 2 months ago when my (29F) wife told me that she wanted a divorce. I’m in an extremely steady relapse and I feel extremely apathetic about going back to recovery right now. When you’re in a tough spot or were at your lowest in your disorder where did you find the motivation to go forward in recovery?

Also, is the documentary triggering for people struggling with an eating disorder or would it be safe for me to watch? I’m extremely interested!

Thanks again for doing this!

hellohannaahh16 karma

Not OP, but I can touch on the first question a little as someone with anorexia. When I was at my lowest weight and people would comment on how skinny and underweight I had gotten it was a huge validation for my eating disorder. My eating disorder would have a little dance party about how what I was doing was working and made me more motivated to keep going.

It sounds really irrational and counterintuitive. And it is. That’s the thing about eating disorders. They manipulate everything in your environment to get you to keep engaging in the disorder.

hellohannaahh15 karma

Thank you so much for the response. I see a therapist weekly and she and my family are pushing me to see a dietitian again. I feel pretty resistant but I’m sure you know how that goes.

Also, thanks for the heads up about the film! I’ll definitely reach out to someone to watch it with me.

hellohannaahh13 karma

TW maybe

That’s an interesting question. I’m sorry I misinterpreted your initial question! But I definitely have a response to this one also.

I think this probably does somewhat depend on the person so this is how I would handle hearing something like that and it may differ for others. My eating disorder comes mostly from a place of depression/self-hate (I generally think of it for me personally as being more of loathing, it’s stronger than run of the mill hate)/self-esteem and body image issues, and control issues (in that we really have zero control over most of life). It is about my physical appearance but it is so much more than that.

This being taken into consideration, I stand by what I said earlier. I think if someone said something so harsh to me it would trigger me to use the eating disorder or continue to engage in the behavior because it would say something closer to “See. You’re disgusting. You’re worthless. I’ll make you feel better.”

The depths of an eating disorder is a really difficult place to be because even if you want the help, eating disorder thoughts are really manipulative. They get very “loud” (best way to describe it) in that they shout over every other logical, rational, healthy thought you might have.

Hopefully this sort of touches on what you’re asking. I’ll be honest I’m not in the healthiest place right now so it might just come off as rambling.

Edit: added TW

hellohannaahh8 karma

That reminds me of the Auburn puke set