helenaglory

Not OP but I’d like to chime in.

My ideal partner (or any sort of relationship) is someone who remembers that I’m disabled instead of fixating on it or ignoring it entirely. Most of the time, that means treating me like I’m perfectly well. If I say I’m okay, then I am. But if I’m having a bad day and I can’t get out of bed, they don’t make me feel bad. They know that there are some things I can’t really do, or times that I need to pace myself. Don’t make me feel like I’m raining on the parade by setting limits. If I do overextend myself, that’s because I’m a human who makes mistakes, not reckless and indifferent to my health. And of course, things might happen, so it’s best that they be ready for that. (Fainting, in my case.)

Probably the most challenging thing is accepting that chronic conditions are, well, chronic. It gets better and worse. There’s no cure. Focusing on full recovery when that may never happen is unhealthy.

Really, just treat me like a human being. Most of us have limitations of some sort.

Where your handlers anything like (beloved character actress) Margo Martindale or Frank Langella? Was that one interim handler as preposterous as she seemed?

I'm the one with colitis, I'm supposed to be the one giving the shit.

Don't let the haters get you down, you are clearly a catch.

That is truly the worst. "Lazy" or anything related to the fact that I really can't "just push" myself just kills me. I'm pretty stubborn, so asking for help or admitting I can't do something is hard enough as it is. Before I was diagnosed I did suck it up a few times, because I didn't think I had a good enough reason not to, and it never ended well. Knowing my limits and setting boundaries was a crucial (and difficult) part of getting my health under control.

I'm so glad you've found someone supportive! Those other jerks didn't deserve you.

u/tho_dien said most of what I was going to say, but to add: with some men, I have to really, thoroughly sugarcoat any feedback and bring an arsenal of evidence with me to make my case. Usually these are the same men who refuse to be direct and stop beating around the bush.

Have you tried using the same approach for everyone, or did you change your tact due to experience? It might be worthwhile starting somewhere in the middle. “Openly hostile” is a bit much but straightforward and direct doesn’t need to be mean.