This’ll probably get buried but What’s the accuracy of the circle of abuse theory? Are victims of abuse likely to abuse people themselves in the future or is that rumours/speculation?
I ask because I grew up with an alcoholic and abusive father. He was never violent but would be incredibly aggressive verbally and shout/smash things. Now that I’m older I find myself mimicking his behaviours when I’m stressed. At first I didn’t want to admit it and put it down to getting little sleep combined with other people winding me up. I had to have a hard look at myself but I’ve come to realise that my reaction to annoyances are completely over the top, and when I “see red” I completely lose control of myself which is terrifying. I’m an otherwise calm, friendly, and nice person, but I have a real bad dark side that I don’t know how to change. I’ve been meditating a lot, and finally gotten a solid sleeping routine down, and I’m better than I was, but I’m still struggling to contain my anger
My ex left me 2 years ago because she said it was like dating a landmine, everything would be fine until you stress me in the wrong way and I explode. We had a lot of problems and it wouldn’t have lasted anyway, but it’s been two years of me working on this and I’m still near enough the same, the main difference being I can see now just how abusive I can be. Am I doomed to repeat my fathers mistakes? Or is there hope for me yet?
greatfrog2575 karma
This’ll probably get buried but What’s the accuracy of the circle of abuse theory? Are victims of abuse likely to abuse people themselves in the future or is that rumours/speculation?
I ask because I grew up with an alcoholic and abusive father. He was never violent but would be incredibly aggressive verbally and shout/smash things. Now that I’m older I find myself mimicking his behaviours when I’m stressed. At first I didn’t want to admit it and put it down to getting little sleep combined with other people winding me up. I had to have a hard look at myself but I’ve come to realise that my reaction to annoyances are completely over the top, and when I “see red” I completely lose control of myself which is terrifying. I’m an otherwise calm, friendly, and nice person, but I have a real bad dark side that I don’t know how to change. I’ve been meditating a lot, and finally gotten a solid sleeping routine down, and I’m better than I was, but I’m still struggling to contain my anger
My ex left me 2 years ago because she said it was like dating a landmine, everything would be fine until you stress me in the wrong way and I explode. We had a lot of problems and it wouldn’t have lasted anyway, but it’s been two years of me working on this and I’m still near enough the same, the main difference being I can see now just how abusive I can be. Am I doomed to repeat my fathers mistakes? Or is there hope for me yet?
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