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gingerhaole859 karma

I'm not a medic, but you might get a kick out of this. I used to ride around with a friend who did all-hours roadside assistance. He got called out to a really nice neighborhood, multimillion dollar homes in Hawaii, to get the keys out of someone's locked car. I had to pee really badly, and the lady, though really hesitant to let a stranger in, I guess made an exception for an average white girl.

Her house was the weirdest I've ever seen. All white marble foyer and living room, lit by pink neon in a lip shape on the wall. It was after midnight on a weeknight, and her ten-year-old daughter was sitting on a white chaise lounge, fully dressed and holding a Pomeranian. There were at least a half dozen other Pomeranians running around the foyer, and each one was wearing a diaper. It was like the set of a David LaChapelle photo. The bathroom felt normal by comparison, with gold fixtures and one of those sinks that looks like a big stone bowl.

gingerhaole142 karma

I was my Mom's caregiver when she was in hospice, until the last week of her life. All this sounds so familiar. Seeing her suffer was the worst thing I've ever experienced, and I just wanted it to be over so she could be free. But when she passed, even with the wave of relief and even though she had been unresponsiven for a while, I just wanted her back. I just wanted to see her smile one more time.

gingerhaole41 karma

Do you ever talk to her? I sometimes talk to my mom still, but I also have the benefit of 33 years of memories of her. But it does help to talk to her.

Good luck getting pregnant again, and I hope all goes perfectly.

gingerhaole29 karma

That's wonderful. God. I'm so sorry you had to say goodbye to her so soon. It's lovely to know she was deeply loved every second of her life and beyond.

gingerhaole13 karma

First of all, I'm so glad that you're in treatment and feeling well, and it sounds like things are looking really positive for you! I'm sorry that this is something you have to go through, but glad that you have the options.

My mother is in treatment now for her fourth(!) bout of breast cancer. She had a double mastectomy ten years ago, but the damn thing just won't leave her alone. It's Stage 4, but she's doing really, shockingly well. Considering she's already gotten a second, third and fourth chance in life, she's been feeling pretty good about the whole thing.

I'm in the process of getting gene tested, but I've made up my mind that whether or not I have the BRAC 1 & 2 genes, as my mom does, I'm going to have my breasts removed as soon as possible. It's something that scares me horribly, but a decision I'm pretty firmly attached to. I have plenty of fears about it all. Will the replacements be painful or super awkward? Will I be able to keep my own nipples? Will my body reject reconstruction? Will my husband feel the same way about me? If I DON'T have the gene mutation and chicken out, will I live in fear my whole life?

I'm 31, 6 months pregnant, and I know all my priorities will drastically change pretty soon here. Hopefully it won't matter so much whether or not I have the breasts I was used to, or any at all. But right now, I'm scared, and I think about it a lot, so it's nice to see you do this AMA, nice to be reassured of some things, nice to see that you can be so positive and strong in the face of not just the mastectomies but the much bigger scare of cancer.

I forget that so many women still die of cancer. In my family, it doesn't kill you, it just inconveniences you, then you kick its ass and get back up. I know you'll be that way. You already are.