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fsebasg975 karma

What do you think is the worst part of this "mental software" you mentioned? (In terms of individual well-being).

By the way, congratulations!! For this process of telling your story. It is not just your case, for sure.

fsebasg271 karma

Of course!

First of all, we have to consider that men are strongly interested (and motivated for) hierarchy. So, almost every scenario is an opportunity to "climb the mountain".

On the other hand, there are some interesting ideas:

- Our culture is based on strong moral attitudes. We need to cooperate and thus we are interdependent. A this point of the society (because of its size) we have to rely in the actions of unknown people (those who work in health services, government, education, basic needs...). Anyway, the point is that we are strongly interdependent as a species.

- So, we care about others. If we find someone in trouble, the most likely is help him/her, even if we don't know who is this person.

- What happens when I care about someone? Probably, I'll care about his opinions about me. It's natural and automatic. Our minds are always scanning other's minds (read "Theory of Mind").

- If our behavior/thoughts/feelings are contrary of the core of society, we start to punish ourselves and feel the external punishment (think punishment in the soften and more human terms, it's not exactly about physical aggression (even if this could happen in some cases), it's about the feelings: mainly guilt). We legitimate this punishment and guilt because is part of group-identity (and of course we are part of this... what about my identity if I'm breaking the "group's laws"?).

I hope I've given you an idea of what my point is.

Finally, a quote of a big man:

- "The commitments that bind us to the social body are obligatory only because they are mutual; and their nature is such that in fulfilling them one cannot work for others without at the same time working for oneself".

—JEAN JACQUES ROUSSEAU, THE SOCIAL CONTRACT

fsebasg212 karma

Thank you for your answer!

It's really interesting to see other perspectives. I've studying and researching about social norms, and believe me, it's a VERY common (and silent) story in the human life. We are our culture, we learn a lot of things that gives us identity. It's really hard to avoid this things because we are afraid of losing ourselves. But culture is also about this: sharing and understanding each other with honestly and openness.

fsebasg7 karma

Thank you for sharing your story here! You will see, you will be okay :)