drjess_ama

Because treasure hunts are fun!

I just snort-laughed because I can picture some of my clients rubbing caviar on their penises -- and so they should if that’s what they’re into. To each their own!

Research suggests that folks with more money may be more likely to cheat; I’ve observed that the more power and status (not just money) people have, the more likely they are to feel entitled to cheat on their partners. They also run a lower risk of their partners leaving them when an income discrepancy exists.

Overall, the sexual problems and desires seem similar across income levels and cultures (in my experience -- and I really do work in diverse locations from Lebanon and Manila to Grande Prairie -- google that! -- and Los Angeles). There is a difference, however, in terms of opportunity and access. And if you already face stigma and discrimination on a daily basis, you may be less likely to openly embrace another identity (e.g. swinger or kinkster) by choice. This may be why are more likely to see white, middle class folks, for example, in the kink lifestyle.

In terms of most financially outlandish stories: I did have a client who wanted a circus orgie on his jet and asked me about hiring performers. And I had another who wanted to hire the actor who played Christian Grey in the 50 shades movie for a private BDSM scene; she was asking if I had a hookup, but unsurprisingly, I couldn’t help out.

I'm supposed to be answering Qs, but all of these answers are too funny not to read!

One of the big debates relates to sex addiction and porn addiction.

They’re profitable industries, but the diagnosis of sex addiction has been repeatedly rejection by governing research and organizational bodies (e.g. American Psychological Association continues to reject its inclusion in the DSM). On one hand, researchers have identified evidence that porn addiction is iatrogenic (the diagnosis/label worsens the distress/symptoms) and used to excuse cheating and other undesirable behaviors. On the other, there are many people who feel as though they are addiction and there are many programs designed to address and profit from their belief.

Porn itself is a source of debate. Research findings have acknowledged and identified its benefits and other research seeks to highlight its harm. David Ley discusses here: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/women-who-stray/201603/we-must-rely-good-science-in-porn-debate

Another interesting area of reserach (beyond my purview) relates to pedophilia. If the inclination and desire exists, how do we address it (and de-stigmatize treatment) so that people who feel attraction and desire can get the help they need (and never act upon their desires). I know this is a very controversial topic, but folks on all sides can likely agree that our goal is to ensure that no child experiences (sexual) trauma.

Understandably, this is such an emotional issue that we often don’t talk about it, but if we know treatment can reduce the risk of offending, we need more research and resources.

The research itself wasn’t as sexy as it sounds. I was studying interventions to improve teacher comfort and knowledge of sexual health topics. I’m passionate about public education and believe sex ed can save lives, but it’s definitely not sexy research.

When people find out what I do they usually say ”I have an interesting case/story for you…” and then proceed to overshare.