daisysloth

I'm unbelievably sorry for your loss, OP. Out of curiosity, what are your feelings toward the boyfriend in this situation? Namely, do you find him as responsible or more so, than your ex for supplying the drugs? I hope you have a great year and take care of yourself.

I just wanted to say that you seem like an extremely intelligent and resilient person, but since I have to ask a question: How have people who you reveal the situation to treated you after they find out? Have there been any negative reactions from anyone you've told?

I'm glad people in person have been supportive and encouraging! You were 100% in the right to take all the preventative measures that you did, and thankfully you're alright. That's disappointing, but not surprising that internet people have been dicks, but I know you're tough enough to not let it break you. You have my absolute respect, OP! Best wishes and good luck with the trial process, I had the option to testify against an abuser years ago and couldn't go through with it. I think you're doing the right thing by speaking.

Dude. I get this so much. I struggle with depression and have always had a fear of guns (mainly the same concern as you, or that it'd go off accidentally), so I never planned to get one. My father gave me a teeny .25 caliber Beretta (seriously, it's the same size as my phone) a year and a half ago, since I live in a shady area, and so far, so good. Even when I (rarely) think of using it on myself, I'm able to brush the thought aside and go about my life, plus I feel safer having one. I'm sure you'd be fine owning one.

I'm not opposed at all to a nonlethal alternative- frankly, I think actually killing a person would be extremely detrimental to my psyche even if it were an intruder or something. To be honest, I think that I believe I'm too dumb or clumsy to use a taser or anything. I feel like I'd be way too curious and try it on my toe or something and then fall and bash my head open and then everyone at my funeral would be like, RIP, girl who was so stupid she killed herself with a nonlethal weapon.

...whereas, I would absolutely never try out a gun on my toe. :/ I say if you get one, just research what you want thoroughly and practice and you'll be perfectly fine. Honestly, I truly forget I have one a lot of the time.