cyberstalked

I wasn't too surprised - I actually kept gender out of my assumptions during the entire 1.5 years. Most my friends and family assumed male, but I was always like "ehhhh I don't know!"

I was skeptical because I am bisexual and I am very clear online and through the research that I do that this is my sexuality. Also, her messages to me, like the way she wrote and thought, just seemed more feminine to me.

It was more like "I want to be your best friend." shudder

Edit: I laughed several times over the chain that stemmed from this.

What are some steps one can take to prevent this sort of thing from happening?

Thank you for asking this question. It's actually my main motivation for doing this AMA.

The answer is YES - I do. One thing to keep in mind is that if someone wants to stalk you - they will and they will do so easily through the internet. Even my parents who are basically nonexistent online have their names, ages, and home address posted online. But you also shouldn't go through life constantly worried that it will happen to you.

And you'll have a much lower chance if you follow some basic guidelines:

• The best thing you can do is stay off of social networking sites, especially Facebook. Many of these sites haven't totally worked out their privacy stuff yet across devices - e.g. Myspace allowed my private blogs to become public if accessed through a smartphone. I know it's hard to get off these sites, but I haven't been on Facebook in 6 months and my social life has been unaffected, or else it has only forced me to be more social. I have learned the very very hard way how incredibly unsecure Facebook is--EVEN if you put your privacy settings at their highest. I was always ridiculously unsearchable, uncontactable from time I signed up. Where I went wrong was using a username (the facebook.com/____) that I used for other sites (so my stalker just typed it in and hoped for the best).

• If you MUST use Facebook, make up a new username for your profile URL, use a pseudonym as your searchable name, and make up an email address to use just for that account. I would also encourage you not to post pictures of you or people you know in your main photo/cover photo. Also, make all your privacy settings "custom." Facebook logs the location of where you login from, so don't use facebook on your smartphone and never use "check-in" sites like Foursquare. Additionally, if you get a message from someone you don't know, do not respond to it. As soon as you respond, Facebook thinks that you are friends and starts to allow that person to see a log of your "activity" which includes comments on people's public images and walls. [All of this might be changed now, but it was true only 6 months ago)

• If you use the same "username" or "screen name" across multiple accounts (blogs, magazine sites, social networking sites, dating sites, etc.) change them. As annoying as it is, make them ALL different. Keep a passworded record of them on a piece of paper next to your computer or something if you need to remember. Having the same username across accounts makes it very easy for people to track information about you across the internet.

• As an academic - always give out your university email address (and nothing else as a point of contact) and only respond to emails you receive through your university address. If someone wants to start stalking your university email account, you can always get the university to change it.

I might add to this as I think of more things...

I literally had no interactions with her that I recall. She was 1 student in a class of 600 students. Plus she came to class only about 8/25 times. MAYBE I took an exam from her and smiled "thanks!" But that's about it.

It's possible she has some sexuality issues and saw me as a confidant. I do my own research on gender/sexuality and this is not unknown among my students. She also thought I was "really pretty" and may have been attracted to me. She also had no friends and may have just wanted a friend.

The order included the following:

• Stay away from (my name) at my place of home, school, business, - employment, or go within 100 yards of me
• Refrain from comunication or any other contact
• Refrain from assault, stalking, abuse, harassment etc.
• Surrender all handguns revolvers,...other firearms, etc.

Basically if she tries to contact me again, it is no longer an issue between me and her, it is a direct violation of an agreement between her and the judge - a felony.

Oh and she already has a felony charge for the "terrorist threat" against the college, so this would be seriously bad news for her. She'd have to be especially dumb...