cucumbersarecool

Hi. I'm a survivor of childhood sexual abuse by two male family members, which occasionally did induce orgasms from me. I believe I was 7 or 8 when I experienced my first orgasm. My entire adult life, I have only been able to make myself orgasm by masturbating to rape fantasy. I'm currently 28 and just in the last couple of years have realized I'm really into BDSM (don't know why that didn't occur to me sooner given the chronic rape fantasy). My question is, are my kinks a result of my abuse? And is it healthy for me to engage in them? And if I ever do finally make it through trauma therapy and recover (I'm seeing someone it's just been super slow moving), will I still have those kinks?

Hi. Me again, survivor of childhood SA. Would you say that trauma therapy is the absolute only way to recover and live a happy normal life? Especially in regards to overcoming self-worth and trust issues. I desire very much to get better but desire very little to work through stage 2 of trauma recovery, since it sounds like it involves sharing a large degree of detail specific to my abuse. To be clear, the only reason I can casually mention my history of abuse here is because I am cloaked in the anonymity of the internet. In an actual face to face conversation this sort of discussion feels insurmountable. I think I am very worried that my abuse was not "bad" enough for me to be as fucked up as I am about it, and this fear is strong enough to keep my silent on the details of my abuse until I die. In other words, will I never be able to recover if I can't get over that hang up and actually open up to my therapist about the specifics of what occurred?

Thank you.

Thank you again :)