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coprolite_breath45 karma

Last time I purchased a new car was in 2015. I already had financing through my credit union but didn't say anything till I had to deal with the finance/closer guy. My rate was better than what they could do so he didn't push too hard on their loan. But he did try a little to push "luxury" things for what was intended to be a work truck.

Then he tried to sell a service package/ extended warranty and said that their shop could beat my current mechanic's rate (without knowing what that even was).

I asked him what kind of boat does their shop have, because I have known my mechanic for 30 some years and we go fishing and crabbing on his boat. Trust and personal relationships are going to beat price when it comes to something like that.

coprolite_breath44 karma

Hi, thank you for your time. Any idea of what the total cost of his defense was? Paid for by the Vatican, I assume?

coprolite_breath32 karma

I see the AMA is over but just wanted to chime in that I am a man who was financially (as well as emotionally and psychologically) abused by a woman during a marriage. Our finances were 100% joint except for retirement accounts. She wrote the checks for our bills every month and also had banking access to a business that I started. I was kept in the dark about all of our finances because I blindly trusted her.

Towards the end of the marriage, the other abuses escalated in order to keep me from realizing that he had been taking money from our shared account (and probably the business prior to that). She shredded the previous 3 years of our bank statements to hide it.

Her plan to escalate the abuse worked well. She even laughed about how "I would have signed anything just be over this". She still owes me over $100K from her retirement (in the state I was in, all retirement savings during the marriage are added together and split 50/50). At this point, no, I really don't care. I feel lucky to have survived the whole ordeal.

So, in any serious relationship, both partners need to be involved in the money part. Both need to agree to everything.

Also, if you are in a relationship with someone who has Narcissistic Personality Disorder, run, as soon as it is safe to do so. That person cannot be helped or change and you will get hurt.

coprolite_breath8 karma

Damn man, sorry about what you went through. Though you maybe you are young enough to reboot? I was close to 50 when it all went down. I try not not to stigmatize what my ex is (undiagnosed, but most are not). Her world is way more painful than anything I could imagine. Never had a genuine connection with another human. Good that you had had family to help.

Today, I would not walk away from a house I owned but 6 years ago, yeah. I had no idea I was being abused. Thought it was normal for your spouse to cheat repeatedly and to try and convince you to end your life.

Trauma therapy is what helped me. Regular talk therapy and CBT just made it worse. Peace.

coprolite_breath5 karma

As someone with C-PTSD who almost did not survive, I can attest to healing power of EMDR. Can you elaborate on what might be happening to the brain during an EMDR session that allows traumatic memories to be addressed and processed? My understanding of trauma memories is that they are not stored the way other memories are . They are disorganized and fragmented. Any thoughts as to why? Sorry, last one: There is very strong physical association with trauma memories. What is the connection between the memory and the body? Thank you.