clbrgs

It has completely changed me. I have finally gotten out of 25+ years of depression.

I have been on 17 different medications, seen several different therapists and psychiatrists, and had about 20 ECT treatments. The ECT did give me about two weeks of relief, but because of strange complications (my first psychiatrist moved, my next psychiatrist was diagnosed with leukemia, couldn't find a new doc, and my doc didn't know that much about ECT) I quickly fell into depression again.

During my chaos trying to find a doctor, I had searched online for clinical trials. I was desperate. I was willing to try anything. I received a phone call from a university trial coordinator at some point. I had forgotten that I had submitted an email because of the ECT.

It turned out I qualified for the trial. I had scored 39 on the depression rating scale they used. At 20 a person is considered depressed.

The surgery is a lot simpler than you would think, considering it is brain surgery. It took most of a day, and for part of it I needed to be awake for testing. My surgeon is considered an expert on this surgery, having performed it over 700 times.

After a couple months of recovery, I started the trial. It was great. I didn't go from depressed to happy in a day or anything, but the difference was obvious to me. I finally didn't go to bed every evening wishing I would die. I stopped thinking about how I was feeling, because I wasn't so unhappy. I just lived each day as a "normal" person, and I am so glad to say that I still am. I have now stopped worrying that I will fall back into depression.

I still see a doctor every couple of months and take the depression rating test ( which I now usually get a 2 or 3 on, compared to 39 before!) and have the devices checked to make sure the batteries are okay and they are working properly. I will soon be having surgery to have my devices replaced with ones that have rechargeable batteries.

Everything has gone so well, and I can't believe how lucky I am to have been included in the trial. There are some complications with the device manufacturer not wanting to continue the trial, but the university has agreed to continue to provide me and the few others in the trial with care as long as we still have our devices in. I would guess that I have received at least $500,000 in medical care so far.

My husband and son really noticed the difference in me. My son found it hard to get used to a mom that isn't grumpy and moody all the time. My husband one day said to me "do you realize that you are completely better now?". Of course I do!

I try not to dwell on all the years of misery I had. It's really hard to realize that I don't have any happy memories from before. Luckily, I had a great therapist to help me to see things differently.

If you have any questions I would be happy to answer them for you. There are a ton of things I left out, but don't want to bore you. It's amazing to me how everyone who has had/has depression has such a story to tell. I guess everyone does.

I had the same surgery done two years ago as part of a clinical trial for depression. I had the complete surgery done all at once. I also was awake for part of the surgery, which was really kind of scary. Good luck to you.