cell_frize

If you are going to adopt a child, the first thing I could possibly say is that if you already have a biological child, you're going to have issues.

The adopted child will always believe that the biological child is the favorite. You must go way out of your way to make things 100% absolutely fair. If you don't go way the heck out of your way to do that, there will be issues.

Secondly, it's not about how comfortable your home is or how much you give them. You need to go out of your way to explain to the things in your house, how to use them, what they're for, and if they can use them or if it's off-limits. You can't expect them to know even simple things--I had never seen a bed before I came to the United States.

You need to be really patient. They're going to have issues, and they're going to be adapting to you just as much as you're adapting to them. Do not force them to acknowledge you as the parent. Be their friend, their mentor, their ally. You need to build trust before you can establish that connection--but if you say "I'm your mother" or "I'm your father" we hear "I'm an authority figure and you will deal with it." The child will have a much harder time trusting you, and feel like you expect things out of them without giving anything in return.

One of my major issues was that there were no rules. My old habits were, for example, that I hid food. When I got there, they never showed me that I was allowed to touch the food, or that I could eat when I get hungry. I didn't know what the fridge was. Even the food was different from Russia, so I had no clue, for example, that the box of cereal actually had food inside of it. You need to explain and lay down rules--even social ones.

I was 9 when I was adopted into the US. However, I frankly believe I am older than my birth certificate says. When I went to the orphanage, they didn't have any records on where I came from. They didn't assign me a birthday practically until they were filling out the adoption paperwork. I believe I was about 11.

As for how they treated me? Let me link you to another comment, where I have answered this.

http://www.reddit.com/r/changemyview/comments/1ugu8r/adoption_is_almost_always_better_than_abortion_if/cei1sni

I know a few people who still come to the United States--or at least, I knew them when I was a kid--but for the most part, no. I have no contact with anyone from the orphanage.

My strangest experience from that time is probably this: Every so often, everybody that showed potential in a certain field had to go to certain camps. They weren't any better or worse than the orphanage, but... it was nothing short of military training. It wouldn't be anything too severe, but I just find it odd that as kids, we were running through drills. The whole time I lived in Russia was a strange experience, I guess, but everything there is just different than it is here.

The strangest place I lived has got to be Novoshakhtinsk (I think that's how you spell it). Everything there, if I could make a comparison, was almost exactly like Silent Hill. Everyone was old, skinny, withering away. There was constant fog, almost no sunlight, and everyone was constantly worried about survival--they were all on edge, including all the children. The environment was eerie all the time.

I've actually done that quite often. I dream about being back in Russia, and I can speak Russian in my dreams.

If I can ask--I often have dreams where I am back in that situation and have no way out. Do you have recurring nightmares about being back where you were, but still retain your current memories?

I think the most surreal thing was the expectancy that I should automatically believe that these new people were my family and that they were here to help me out. I still have trouble with that thought.

They told me "Oh, you'll have a great American life, these people will help you, and feed you, and..." It felt fictional at the time, and proved to be fictional in the long run, but that's not every kid's situation.

One day, I was in the orphanage, and the next, I had these people that I was expected me to call them "mother" and "father" and that I should immediately be comfortable and not afraid.

The second-most surreal thing was seeing my bedroom. I grew up sleeping on the floor or on a cot. I had literally never seen a bed before, and the idea of a room being 'mine' and nobody else's... I just couldn't understand. I was kind of frightened--it boggled my mind and triggered my paranoid instincts.