catzen789

I am not the AMA person, obvs. But people who are born intersex will often have unnecessary surgery performed on their genitalia to give it a more "conforming" appearance.

Thus, if a child is born and the genitals look like a mix between male and female genitalia, surgeons will perform surgery to make it look male or female. Sometimes they guess at what gender they are "supposed to be" and guess wrong.

There are some cases where surgery is required on intersex genitalia due to malformations that can cause infection or other issues. In most cases, no surgery is required, but is performed because society and the parents don't know how to handle it.

The worst, IMO, is that doctors have done this surgery without telling the parents. That's the scary thing for me. If I ever had a kid, I am watching that thing like a hawk to make sure they don't do that shit. There will be discussions ahead of time of what I do and do not consent to- no mutilating a person for your own ideas of beauty or normality.

It's one thing if it is the medically necessary type- where a malformation causes issues with waste being removed, but to do it just so it "looks right"? How do we even know what "looks right" means if these surgeries have been going on so long? They use a ruler to decide what gender you are, how is that right?

I'm not intersex, but I have a lot of strong feelings about bodily autonomy and the function of a spectrum of genotype and phenotype in a species. While some genital presentations are problematic medically, most are perfectly fine and should be left alone until informed consent can take place. If we accepted people who are intersex into society openly, we would have words for the situation. As long as we keep hiding it, it seems so odd to people, and then we have situations where we are cutting off body parts because we don't know how to handle it.

I am so sorry you are going through that with a doctor. There is a risk of death with any surgery, and other serious complications like adhesion that are extremely painful. It is always your decision, and I understand why, for the doctor, the riskier option is to keep them, but it isn't her body. It's yours. I am glad that you have the presence of mind to make your own decision and resist her pressure. It is important with any procedure that you understand the full scope of your choice. Are there any other doctors you can see, or is she a one-of-a-kind specialist?

I'm lucky to have found a great doctor for an issue I am having (something completely unrelated to anything we are discussing here). The reason I love him so much is he is really big on consent. When discussing options he gives you every option, and I mean every option, from doing nothing to going overboard. He explains the risks and rewards of each procedure, and then what he recommends, and why. Then he listens to everything you think, or any concerns you have, and then lets you make the choice. When he did the procedure, he took pictures of everything and gave them to me to take home, saying "it's your body, you get to know what is going on with it." IMO, his behavior is the gold standard for informed consent.

Sorry if I've babbled or made errors. These issues, although they don't effect me directly, are one of my hot-button issues. The way people who are intersex have been treated, informed consent, etc. are so important to me. I wish there was more I could do to fix these issues, but I really don't know how else I can support the intersex community. Any suggestions?

What caused you to go the gyno at that age? Were there symptoms of this syndrome that meant that you needed an exam, or was this just a check up sort of thing?

The length of the ring finger compared to the index is a mark of testosterone exposure in utero. Wikipedia for those who want to learn more about it. My ring finger is longer than my index, but I have no known issues, so Redditors should not freak out about it. It makes sense that it would be a mark of CAIS.

It is interesting that your aunt also has the condition. I tried to research, but it was a little beyond me, but this seems to point to the idea that this is a normal genetic variation rather than an error in chromosomes.

I'm super glad you didn't get the hernia too! I was reading more about CAIS, and it seems like hernias are one of the most common ways that they determine that there is an issue.

My partner came out as a MTF transgender person to me 2 years ago. It was all good, and she was enjoying it, but within the past few months she has started having doubts that she is MTF, but is actually a crossdresser. Either way I don't really mind, I just want her to be happy with whoever she is.

How common is it for someone who is transgender to have doubts about it at a certain point? How common is it for someone who is a crossdresser to think they are transgender? She will be pursuing therapy in the future to help her figure it out, but are there any suggestions about what I can do to support her?

Today we had a discussion about if I am more attracted to transgender people or crossdressers, so I know she may be worried about what I feel. I told her I don't really have a preference, as I respect how people identify and find her attractive, but this sounded weird to her; like if all I care about is the person and we can rub genitals I am happy, but then that sounds like I don't really want her. Can you suggest a good way to express that I am physically attracted to her as a complex person, and it doesn't matter to me how she identifies, without sounding as insensitive as it sounds?