casagordita

My mom died very suddenly, a few years back. She was living in Alabama and I was in Seattle. I flew down for the funeral (a full-on southern Gothic affair, with the viewing at the funeral home where everybody filed by the casket and remarked what a good job they'd done with her, she looked so natural--all lies--and Uncle Malcolm preaching at the church, right before lunchtime so he wouldn't talk too long, just like mom had requested). On my way home, I had a four-hour layover in Memphis. So I did the only thing that could have possibly made that week more surreal: I took a cab over and toured Graceland.

I can't recommend the death of a parent, but when it happens, I do recommend a visit to Graceland to complete the experience.

An open casket does have a positive side for some folks. My father's decline and death weren't easy. He had Alzheimer's, and he went through a period towards the end of being really angry and combative. He may not have retained the capacity to understand what was going on, but it seemed like he was aware enough to be really pissed off about it. My mother insisted on taking care of him at home for far longer than she should've, so she took the brunt of all this. She finally did reach the point where she had to admit she couldn't do this anymore, and he spent his last few months in a nursing home. When she saw him laid out at his funeral, all she could say was, oh, he looks so peaceful! And I guess he did--more so than he had for a long time, anyway. I think seeing him like that really helped my mom get through it.

(Of course, my mom also said that she didn't want an open casket or a viewing for herself. But she'd also always said that funerals are for the living. So when she died, and her big extended southern family had all the festivities planned, including a viewing at the funeral home, before I even got off the plane...I just went with it. It was what was expected by folks in her generation, in that part of the country. It wouldn't have been my first choice, either, but the familiar rituals were more important to my aunts and uncles and cousins than it was to me not to have them.)

Suit yourself...but a lot of people here are trying to give you some feedback that could be useful. Your defensive, confrontational tone is undermining your message. It's a message that needs to get out there, but you aren't being as effective at doing that as you could be.

If being totally true to your punk rock, badass self is your highest priority, then carry on. But if you want to dispel ignorance about these abusive "troubled teen" programs, and help the kids they're hurting, then you might want to consider the input you're getting rather than just blowing it off

My elderly mother called a chimney sweep who showed up in a slightly-shabby top hat and tails (he changed before he went to work). When he was done, he gave her a kiss on the cheek for luck. She was absolutely tickled. Do you ever do anything like that?