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How did you mentally handle so much cardiac treatment without apparent success?

My partner had an AICD implanted 5 years ago after a single freak SCA, but hasn't had a major episode since that one (excepting one inappropriate shock). I can't imagine having to watch him go through 60-70 shocks, more arrests, and all the traumas and tests you've endured over such a short time period. You are a survivor. I'm very happy for you. If you don't have your COVID vaccine yet, I hope you get it ASAP!

I can see why you would stop being optimistic in order to protect yourself. PTSD is for real and it sucks. I hope you extend a lot of grace to yourself and are able to find lasting peace in the future. I will keep you and your donor family in my thoughts.