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blue_eyed_fox716 karma

I think this is a common burden for men all around the world. In Utah USA where I live, my culture also shames men for having emotions. I think this is so unfair and damaging.

Shame is a tool people use to control other's behavior. You can take your personal power back when you refuse to feel ashamed. (Guilt is productive, shame is destructive). On a large scale I believe humanity doesn't know how to deal with our emotions. Because of this, when someone is vulnerable we can get overwhelmed and don't know what to do. It feels bad and a natural reaction is to push it away by shutting down the person who has the emotion.

One way to change this is to show others that it's safe to have emotions with you. If others are safe to show their emotions with you, you should be safe to share back. By doing this, you have created a safe environment.

Sometimes it can be difficult because you don't know what to do with their emotions. Many times, all that is needed is someone to witness the difficult emotion and know what they are going through. Someone else's emotions are not your responsibility. By offering a listening ear you have no obligation to fix it or help the person. You may choose to do so, but know that it is voluntary and you can establish your boundaries at any time.

Communication is very important when it comes to emotions. In order to create an emotionally safe space each individual needs to communicate their needs and boundaries without fear of negative consiquences. This is a long comment but I hope it help anyone who reads it. <3

blue_eyed_fox72 karma

I recommend Internal Family Systems therapy. It describes the mind as a multiplicity and each part plays a role, and the parts can interact like a family does. Although the therapy was developed for people with disassociative personality disorders, it uncovered some universal truths about the mind.

Your OCD may be a protector part who has been exiled and is resurfacing in a different form. Or, in other words, the controlling part of you is overactive because another part of your personality is not safe to manifest itself to do it's regular job.

If your gaurdian punished you repeatedly for standing up for your personal boundaries, this part is not safe to emerge. To compensate, you control your environment in order to avoid getting in that situation again. This is just an example to give context to what IFS is about. I don't have a strong OCD response so I'm not sure the underlying cause, it's just a guess. Check out r/internalfamilysystems for more Reddit content regarding the therapy.