bishop-jese-erl

I'm no doctor, just some guy on the internet who is married and one child.

Before i say what might be the issue, i will point out that you've been very careful, whether consciously or not, to specifically say that you aren't interested in sex with your husband. Think on that for a minute. And it leads into my main point of comment.

Sounds to me like it's mainly a passion issue (to use the doctors term from above). Men and women are built for each other sexually, but there are many more things that are involved with sexual attraction than just the physical, especially for women. Look, i know you love your husband and you probably even still find him attractive, but not wanting him, like really, really wanting him so bad that you can't stand it and you need him to bend you over and take care of business and take care of his woman--not wanting that, is more to do with the mental, physiological nature of attraction. I believe you have an attraction issue over a sexual issue for him.

So that begs the question: how do you find that sexual attraction and desire for him?

Well, you can't. No really. It's gotta be something that he does to increase your desire for him. Think back to when you did have lots of sex and sexual desire for him, i bet you can think of specific things he did, didn't do, or external players (other women) that drove you to desire him. Now that you're married you've gotta figure that out together via good ole fashion communication. Blame has nothing to do with it, as these things just happen sometimes. And it can't be done solely on the shoulders of one partner, both have to be working on this.

TLDR: you have an attraction issue, not a sexual one. Find new (or old) ways that make you desire him. Let him know what he needs to do, what worked in the past, and then let him figure out ways to build back that desire from you, and finally, most importantly, you've gotta be a participant, guide him, and work just as hard as him at this

Edit: for the comments suggesting this can be fixed solely by the woman because it's her issue.

Look, this isn't some high school relationship, I'm talking about marriage (long term relationships intending to be together forever count too). There are wifely duties, and there are husbandly duties. The woman needs to take care of the man. The man needs to take care of the woman. It goes both ways, that's what marriage is. If one falls behind and stops doing their duty to their partner and doesn't try to fix it, then they are at fault and causing an unhealthy relationship. In this comment thread I'm assuming OP is in a healthy relationship where both partners want to fix things and maintain a sexual attraction. If that's the case, then my advice stands as is. It's still on both of them, not one or the other. I agree it is wrong for one person to stop being sexually attracted to their partner, but isn't it also wrong for the other partner to stop doing the things that made the other sexually attracted to them in the first place? That's all I'm saying, communication needs to be had between the partners and they both must look at themselves and the other to figure out how to resolve the situation and improve their marriage/relationship.

You're right, of course, it's no one's fault. I didn't place blame for that reason. Things like this happen. She is interested in getting it back to what it was and so i suggested what could be the issue and what may help to resolve it.