bete0noire

I've suspected in recent years that I may be slightly on the spectrum. I have symptoms similar to what friends (edit: they're moreso people I sometimes comment with on IG and not really friends I guess) with autism have described. Because I've also had chronic depression and anxiety since first memories, doctors have sort of by default attributed everything to those diagnoses. Things like being very sensitive to outside stimuli (light, noise, sensations on my skin, food textures), and having trouble reading people's faces and voices.

How does one even get tested???

I am 34yo and have no idea how to even bring this up with my physician. My primary care physician will refuse to discuss things that "aren't his area" but also doesn't ever have any recommendations for referrals. I'd have to go through random listings in my insurance book and "wing it"... and I simply haven't been able to do such things for myself.

Unfortunately I have no family, and honestly not really any friends (humans in general tend to be overwhelming for me). So I have no support system or anyone to assist me in doing "people" things. I recieve minimal SSI but was never "appointed a case worker"? I wish I had a better idea of what I'm supposed to do :/....

Thank you so much, you are very kind. I hope you're able to figure out the adhd stuff with your doctor soon. I know it can be such a hard thing to live with for people. I'm unsure how it's diagnosed in adults- I don't remember my testing, my memories are fuzzy around certain ages due to trauma. Im imagining sitting in front of a test paper and just panicking like I did back in school lol but in a doctor office. It seems like doctors just don't even think about it if you aren't a child or in school, which I think leaves lots of struggling adults at a disadvantage. Personally once I stopped being able to attend college my doctors refused to keep prescribing me Concerta, which helped me a lot outside of school things. And since I am mostly home-bound and unable to work, I've seen doctors that address me with the attitude I've described.

I guess an explanation for my lack of doctor care, since for years I was pretty good at getting myself to therapy or hospital if need be: 4 years ago I was drugged and raped by multiple people I thought were friends. In the same year I found out, on my birthday, that my partner cheated on me with at least 3 people. That year wrecked me and I ended up in ICU from overdosing on my antidepressants, needed 2 months for the residual seizures to stop. For some reason they didn't put me inpatient, even though I wished they did. I think they were full, idk. Since then the absolute fear of people and my agoraphobia has been super bad. I've not been able to go through the process of getting a therapist since... this is definitely the worse I've ever been.

In reality the most important thing to be done first is get myself a therapist... and psychiatrist, since I'm sure the medication/dosages I'm on is no longer working as it did 10 years ago. It is definitely overwhelming. I'm basically just a mess and afraid of everything lol. But I know things won't change unless I get a therapist at least.

Hmm I'll do some googling, I live in NYC.

You are correct lol, he is not very good beyond the occasional bronchitis or needing med refills. He's close to my home, so it's more for convenience honestly. Still, not ideal at all.

I'm not sure where you live or what's available to you, but I know someone who found a therapist at a community center that works with homeless men and men with addiction struggles find work and housing. Sometimes shelters have info on community sliding-scale resources. I also once met someone who went to free AA meetings even though they didn't struggle with alcohol because they were desparate for help. Not that I would suggest lying lol but I admired his relentlessness to find himself help. It's a real shame social services like therapy aren't more accessible, our mental health is the foundation of literally every way we and society functions. I really hope you find yourself the care you need to feel better.