aspiringvoiceactor

That last line is a good way to put it.

Why do you say it needs more hunters?

I grew up with the economic boot on my family's neck. Its just the way it is. I'm 30, no real way out that I can see. Just got done with a series of emotional and mental collapses over the last 5 years or so. Lost my hope/will and therefore job, car etc.

Only reason I'm alive today is because my sister convinced me to go out to California and be with her family for awhile.

I still had money and a car at that point and had realized I was alone with no real hope for the future.

Had a plan for a car ride out to the desert, pick up a gun on my way out of Texas. Send enough money to my family to cover my incineration cost.

Now I don't have the means to escape so cleanly.

I just landed a job doing exhausting physical work that I'm not certain ill be able to maintain for $10/hr, 4hrs total travel time by bus everyday.

$9000 worth of debt.

I think I just may save up enough for funeral costs.

I'm not going to make it much longer physically or emotionally, better to go out well than homeless or a burden on my siblings/parents.

I'm pretty much done with life, not really up for living as a wage slave.

Its all just a train of thought/emotion departing from the stuff that makes me feel like I have a boot on my neck and I just went from there to vent my emotions and get it out while I was feeling it.

There are without a doubt people that care about me and people I care about.

I do not want to experience the long descent into poverty that will accompany me as I age with no real ability to improve my economic situation enough.

I absolutely do not want to take anyone else with me on that decent into poverty, especially the people I care about who would be the ones to slow my decent.

I'm not long for the world and I really do not have any hope of improving my situation, why would I take other people down with me as I age and become more of a financial, emotional and mental burden?

What is the logic behind adding violent tendencies to a person who before only had irresponsible tendencies?