ashsimmonds

Pfft, it's been next month for over 10 hours.

Source: Australian.

Gets better:

I heard that they were selling a midget, so I went down there and took the guy up on the offer. He wanter $400 for it, so I put $20 down. I went home and asked my mom for the rest of the money. ... So she gave me the money because she didn't want me driving my motorcycle anymore.

Back in my day (90's/00's) in order to get a full STD spectrum they had to take a deep urethra sample, which meant sticking a metal q-tip all the way up your donger, twisting it, then ripping it out quickly and putting it in something sterile or whatever. Super pleasant.

Nowadays you just get a blood draw and piss in a cup. Pussies.

You eat a lot of baked beans?

MARK TWAIN HAS NO DOMINION OVER US CARNIVORES