arniegrape

Welcome to Hollywood.

"Hey -- sorry, let me interrupt and stop you there. Not interested. You folks have a great day, though!" Step back, close and lock the door.

If that doesn't work, I've always found that a simple "Fuck off." followed by a slamming door is rather effective.

I've been recovering from a breakdown due to depression, anxiety, and PTSD for a year now, and have had 3 major suicidal incidents. I had to stop working last August. I've done intensive outpatient, intensive case management, partial hospitalization, back to intensive case management. Right when I thought I might be ready to go back to work, COVID hit. Then, in June, my wife was diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer -- she's only 38, which means really bad things, in terms of survivability (she's getting excellent care, and there's every reason to be hopeful). Not to mention the world in general.

I've been in therapy for years, and I'm on Wellbutrin and Buspar, and I believe that they're all doing fuck-all for me. I was on a higher dose of Wellbutrin, and that made me feel bipolar, and caused me to cycle between depression and hypomania. In the past year, I've also tried Viibryd (horrible diarrhea, all day, every day) and Trintellix (killed all my emotions, made me impotent for months, even after stopping), and in the past I've tried other SSRIs, which I stopped for similar emotional and sexual reasons. I did about 50 sessions of TMS, which was a total waste of time and money. My psychiatrist wants me to do ECT, and I'm just not going to do that.

I've lost faith in both psychiatry and psychology, and I'm running out of energy to try and get well. I no longer actually believe in a world where I will recover in any meaningful way. My therapist just smiles at me and tells me to force myself to keep going. Her actual words are, "you just gotta force yourself!"

What advice do you have for someone who's been doing everything their care team has asked them to do, and still feels like killing themselves four times a week? Because I'm running out of steam, and I feel like my therapist and psychiatrist are both calling it a win to have me alive, and that's as far as they're going.

I really do love Swype -- by far the best virtual keyboard. I did not know that I could suppress words! This is great news. Thank you very much!

Also? "reduce the weight of BBW in the language model"? That's hilarious.

I agree with this 100% and it's why I have no patience nor kindness when proselytizers come to my door. I don't care if they're Mormon, JWs, La Luz del Mundo*, or anything else: Coming to my home to tell me I'm wrong about life and god is unhappy with me is a rude fucking thing to do. Going to someone's home to tell them they're wrong about anything without being invited to do so is a rude thing. Much less something so "important" as my "soul." So I never feel bound to be polite to them, as they're the assholes in this scenario, I'm just trying to play some fucking GTA on a Saturday and these bastards are interrupting for the third straight weekend in a row.

* La Luz Del Mundo is a Christian sect originally founded in Mexico. It's fairly active in LA, and seeing LLDM proselytizers next to Metro stations and on busier street corners handing out pamphlets is a regular thing in LA. They also come around and knock on doors, but when they come to mine and see my clearly white face, they smile, say, "Spanish? No? So sorry!" and move onto the next apartment. I really want to reply "¡Sí, por supesto yo hablo español!" just to see what would happen, but I also don't actually want to have a conversation with them.