arkadynikolaevich

Hi, I know this must be one of the worst things that could ever happen to a mother and wife, but you need to do yourself and your daughter a favor and stop calling it an episode----it's not an episode unless your husband is psychotic. Pedophilia is NOT like cutting or being bulimic. It's only a sexual preference, and people CHOOSE to act upon sexual desires; it is not a compulsion. Rape is rape. Straights, homosexuals, bisexuals, etc, and pedophiles are all capable of strong sexual desires, but most people don't rape others, harm small children, or commit incest.

If you feel you can empathize with or understand why he did it, fine, but don't try to make excuses for him. That's insulting to your poor little daughter.

edit I wrote a longer explanation in response to the post under me if anyone's interested.

edit A user has asked that I place my longer explanation in a more visible location. I tried to be clear about where to find it (just under the user's post right below me) but I assume others may have the same question, and I'm happy some Redditors are interested enough to hear me out a bit, so I've elected to copy/paste in this comment. Sorry if that seems like overkill, just want to share ideas effectively.

This is the longer explanation (thanks for reading):

• 1) We haven't been dealing with pedophilia as an aberration for very long and there is actually quite a controversy as to how to classify it (not surprising as there's significant controversy as to classification of other deviations, such as schizophrenia and psychopathy). Pedophilia is actually classified as a disorder of sexual preference. There are many, many pedophiles who do NOT harm children or act on their impulses. It's called impulse control, most adults with empathy have it to some capacity, even ones secretly lusting after children.

• 2) Even if you want to call pedophilia a compulsion, as in it is a thought disorder characterized by intrusive thoughts (a fair interpretation, no arguments from me as the difference between calling this a disorder and an orientation largely lay in semantics and what is considered socially acceptable) THAT DOES NOT Make pedophilia the same as other compulsions. Again, there is a huge sub-culture of pedophiles who do NOT harm children and never will; we can see that there are other serious mental issue factors going on (like psychosis/severe dissociation) or the OP's husband chose to act on his "impulse", which is much more likely.

We can argue about free will and the trap of gene/environment interaction, but most, if not all, pedophiles know what they are doing and choose to act on their desires (to the same capacity that everyone else does and are therefore held accountable for their actions). If the OP wants to sympathize or try to understand why her husband did this, fine. But you can lock someone up, sever ties, and never talk to someone again and still make excuses for them however nuanced. It's not so black and white, feelings between spouses or ex-spouses infrequently are. For the sake of herself and especially her daughter, she shouldn't call it an episode unless a mental health professional calls it such.

Molesting your little daughter is NOT the same as compulsions like pulling out one's hair or intentional starvation. There's the difference of self-harm/harming others, a gross exploitation of authority, abuse of parental power, a seriously dangerous lack of empathy for others, etc.

I have an excellent working understanding of psychology, fluent enough to know that

• 1) We haven't been dealing with pedophilia as an aberration for very long and there is actually quite a controversy as to how to classify it (not surprising as there's significant controversy as to classification of other deviations, such as schizophrenia and psychopathy). Pedophilia is actually classified as a disorder of sexual preference. There are many, many pedophiles who do NOT harm children or act on their impulses. It's called impulse control, most adults with empathy have it to some capacity, even ones secretly lusting after children.

• 2) Even if you want to call pedophilia a compulsion, as in it is a thought disorder characterized by intrusive thoughts (a fair interpretation, no arguments from me as the difference between calling this a disorder and an orientation largely lay in semantics and what is considered socially acceptable) THAT DOES NOT Make pedophilia the same as other compulsions. Again, there is a huge sub-culture of pedophiles who do NOT harm children and never will; we can see that there are other serious mental issue factors going on (like psychosis/severe dissociation) or the OP's husband chose to act on his "impulse", which is much more likely.

We can argue about free will and the trap of gene/environment interaction, but most, if not all, pedophiles know what they are doing and choose to act on their desires (to the same capacity that everyone else does and are therefore held accountable for their actions). If the OP wants to sympathize or try to understand why her husband did this, fine. But you can lock someone up, sever ties, and never talk to someone again and still make excuses for them however nuanced. It's not so black and white, feelings between spouses or ex-spouses infrequently are. For the sake of herself and especially her daughter, she shouldn't call it an episode unless a mental health professional calls it such.

Molesting your little daughter is NOT the same as compulsions like pulling out one's hair or intentional starvation. There's the difference of self-harm/harming others, a gross exploitation of authority, abuse of parental power, a seriously dangerous lack of empathy for others, etc.

I apologize, I really do.

:) I hope you get that response more often (if you need to offer an explanation in the first place).

How did you bring yourself to have a child with someone looking at CP who had a history of abusive sex?

Why did I get down voted? Is marrying folks who look a that stuff more common than I expected? I know most people wouldn't allow their kids anywhere near someone looking at that stuff, so I would expect having a child with someone looking it up would be even more difficult. There must've been some kind of rationalization, and I'm curious about what it was.