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anevensadderperson18 karma

I understand that abusers often come from situations of abuse (or otherwise severely lacking control over their lives), but I struggle to be open to stories from abusers. It’s like reading a novel with an untrustworthy narrator. They could be telling the truth, or they could be warping their narrative to paint a more relatable picture of themselves.

Patterns of abuse and a need for control are incredibly difficult to overcome, and I know that there are abusers that have legitimately reformed. At the same time, though, I don’t know if there’s a good way to tell the difference between an abuser that’s faced their demons and an abuser that’s perpetuating their narrative. If there is, I’d like to know.

anevensadderperson6 karma

I guess my skepticism lies heavily on the “reformed” aspect of it. If you feel like you’re lacking control in your life and have found a way to feel in control and get away with it, I don’t trust that many abusers would follow through on reforming that behavior.

I’m clearly biased by my personal experience. The abuse I faced was heavily emotional and psychological, though there was a deal of physical and sexual violence as well. He was a popular guy, a smooth talker. He had it down to a science. Even after I left and he claimed remorse, he held the narrative that he did nothing but care about me too much. My problem is that I know the skills he had turned so heinously against me have continued to reward him in life. It’s hard for me to believe that others like him would likely reform their behavior.

anevensadderperson1 karma

What’s your plan to expand your platform and do you have any social workers/lawmakers/experts on your team to help you out?