aml51z

I experienced that shit all the time but for some reason that didn't make me quit, life sorta made me quit and I'm glad for that. I still did it for me though.

Here's the story if anybody is interested, I copied and pasted it from a previous post I wrote: What happened was my main source got arrested and I had other sources but was double the price. I decided to wait for my dealer to bail himself out the next morning. The next morning he got out but told me to wait for the night. I waited and I was completely dieing, I almost felt like putting on a mask and robbing a bank. I bought some weed and saved 20 bucks for like 3 bags. I also took some seroquil to help knock me out. I woke up, feeling like death and he didn't respond so I spent the rest of my money on more weed and took another seroquil. I woke up the next morning in a lot of pain, sweats, all that bullshit. I broke down crying and was about to overdraft my bank account. Took out 100 bucks. Something clicked in my head, I hit a real rock bottom. My dealer wanted me to wait longer so I just bought more weed. At this point it was like 3 days. Morning of day 4 I felt probably the absolute worst. I was about to get from my more expensive guy but for some reason I just couldn't spent the last amount of money I had that I fucked my bank account with. It was new years too so I just decided to "quit" laughing in the back of my head thinking at the first moment I'll give in. An hour later I deleted the numbers. Then I had a panic attack. Then more horrific symptoms taking over my very existence. I had friends beg me to help them out, some wanted me to goto rehab and I considered it but felt that "I'm strong enough to do this myself" and for some reason that stuck with me. 5 days in a friend of mine dropped off a little bit of suboxone telling me I needed a brake, which I snorted and it worked like a charm. Day 6 I wasn't feeling that bad, probably because of subs long half life. Day 7 I gave in and got myself 4 bags. I did it, drooled and nodded like crazy. But an hour later I felt more or less normal. I broke down crying again feeling that I'm ruining my progress. From then on every day seemed easier. I didn't get any sleep for another week but I spent my time reading addiction stories, watching addiction stuff on YouTube. After 2 weeks I bought more weed, smokes, beer, and got my hands on Xanax. This mixture sorta was like the first time I felt an enjoyable buzz and finally felt content. I felt that if I keep staying clean from heroin that other lighter drugs can keep me from dope. 3 weeks in my stomach and back pain was much more manageable, I started enjoying things like politics and video games again but still felt like shit and can't sleep. Since then i have been mostly clean. A couple weeks ago I had a dope day and immediately regretted it. I was feeling an opiate hangover for 2 days straight. Also alcohol kept making me puke a horrible smell that made me sick. This together with the fact that every day I feel slightly better keeps me going and sober. Some days I feel like I can't get out of bed but once I get moving I out it out of my mind. And that's where i am now.

What positive influence does your work or perhaps porn in general from your point of view have on society?