accidentalblackbabby

I love you.

I LOVE her family surprisingly. Her Dad tried to send me money to reimburse me for the gifts I had bought the child. I see them every once a while still, they always apologize to me whenever they see me. Good, hard working people.

I was. I entered shortly after the child was born. I noticed he had a rather dark pigment (i'm olive so it wasn't that unexpected). As soon as I saw the child I knew it wasn't mine. Not that I could tell from the physical characteristics (though it was kind of obvious) but instinct told me something was wrong immediately. While in the room I was seeing red. I tasted nothing but charcoal and smelled nothing but sulphur. It was a completely outofbody experience. I was sitting in the room knowing the doctors and nurses were judging me. I knew I'd have to call my friends and family and tell them the supposed mother of my child was a cheating whore. I ended up asking my ex about an hour after she settled into her new bed in the hospital. She confirmed my worst fears. At that moment I blacked out. Next thing I remember I was having a cigarette outside getting questioned for punching a hole in the wall of the nursery. I cut the hospital a check for $300 for the wall, called a cab and laid in bed for the next 3 weeks calming my nerves with Jack Daniels.

Wholeheartedly. That's a scary thought. Makes me thankful

She was totally aware it could not be mine. She was a crazy catholic, when I first found out about the child I suggested adoption as an option. I had been with her for a couple years and loved her dearly so in the end I dropped it and tried to do the right thing. The most painful thing about all of this was the amount of trust she betrayed. I had worked my ass off for 9 months to get a house and was absolutely excited the day the baby was born. She knew I spent hours pacing at night about how I would provide for everything. She knew I worked 40+ hours a week while going to school. In the end I like to think she thought the baby was going to be mine but realistically I think she was trying to trap me into raising the child she couldn't abort. And that really fucking hurt.