Zaeron

Hey man, this is a really stupid thing to say and you've got a lot of things on your mind I'm sure, but...

I'm a 24 year old dude who is "pretty smart", I guess. Straight A's, blah blah blah. Coming out of highschool there were.. a lot of expectations about where I should go and what I should do from my family.

I ended up not really meeting a lot of those expectations for my own reasons. I wanted time off, time to do my own thing and figure out who I am and what I was doing with myself. My family was.. disappointed. Really disappointed. I was supposed to go to school. I was supposed to make something of myself. I heard that a lot.

But... what I needed from myself was to be able to go figure out who I was and what I wanted, and my family understood that, eventually.

After a couple years, I ended up settling down and finding a college I liked where I could learn to do something I loved - but if I'd decided not to go to college, that would have been okay, too. I'm a cool dude and I'm gonna cut it wherever I go, you know?

But... I guess I'm just posting this because I could talk it out. My mom is here to talk to me, and say "you know, I won't be disappointed in you if you decide not to go to college, I'll be proud of you no matter what"... And I think about how awful I would have felt, and how much pressure I would have been under to choose college, if my mom hadn't been able to say that to me, and tell me that no matter what I did, she was proud and loved me and would always support me and believe in me.

I totally support your right to rest, and I can understand just being.. done with everything, I guess. You have the right to be finished whenever you'd like to be finished. But please, remember, nobody gets to come say in ten years "hey dad, I know you always said X... but I think I really want to do Y.. that's okay, right? You love me anyway, right?"

There's a difference between supporting your kids and pressuring them to take the path you think is best... and you don't get to fix this one later if you decide to be all done now.

Anyway, sorry, you're a lot more experienced than I am at this stuff and I'm just a kid, really, but I hope I made sense, at least. :)

When you say believe in God do you mean believe in the Christian God as such, or is being a deist sufficient?

I'm not her, and I'm not an expert or psychologist, but I think it's important to make the distinction that orgasms can be driven by physical or mental stimulation, or some combination of the two.

It is possible to be physically stimulated and/or mentally stimulated while not consenting to the sexual acts in question.

I get that this can be kind of weird, so lets re-imagine the situation in a different way:

I'm a man who likes watching my wife fuck other men. I genuinely enjoy it, and it's something we have done with my consent in the past. Today, I come home from work and walk in on my wife fucking a complete stranger in my bedroom - without my consent or permission.

I find this really erotic, because I have a huge fetish for being 'forced' to watch my wife 'cheat' on me. But at the same time, I didn't consent to this. The fact that I find it arousing does not change the fact that my wife is cheating on me by violating the terms of our marriage.

Likewise - if a person is stimulated physically or mentally during a non-consensual act, that does not in any way imply consent.

Do you council the survivor's partner in situations like this as well?

I've been in relationships with women where mutual orgasms were either difficult or impossible - I.E. she could masturbate to orgasm but I just couldn't 'get it right' to get her to come. And while there are lots of ways to work around that and still have a happy and satisfying sex life (thank god for vibrators), I imagine it must be pretty devastating if you are in a relationship like that, and then your girlfriend has a non-consensual experience where she achieves orgasm.

I actually thought that this was really clever. Lulz.

A+ in my book.