YtrapEhtNioj61 karma2018-10-11 14:09:15 UTC
I'm so sorry to hear what you've gone through. I experienced a pregnancy loss about a year ago. At the time good friends of mine (who live just down the street so I see them all the time) had told us two weeks prior that they were having a baby. We were so excited for them and almost told them our news but it was a week or so too early...we wanted to have a scan before telling people but I was around 9 weeks at the time. Then two weeks later another set of friends told us that they were also pregnant...the six of us do a lot together. Unfortunately I had been told the day prior that I might be experiencing a miscarriage. I was not as excited to hear their news. A week later it was confirmed and the miscarriage happened naturally within another week.
Watching those two pregnancies has been the most difficult thing. Being invited to baby showers, talking about every goddam detail about babies. It sucks. It really fucking sucks. We ended up telling everyone about the miscarriage because we just couldn't be as happy for our friends as we wanted to be. They understood and supported from afar while we mourned. We told them we truly were happy for them, we just couldn't show it right now.
Somehow I arrived at a peaceful place. I can't tell you how, only that I did. On new years Eve I skipped the parties and my husband popped home for an hour at 11:30. We had a fire despite the frigid cold and I wrote out a lot of things that were on my mind. I burned the letter and it felt surprisingly cleansing. We sat outside and cried. It was therapeutic for me. I hope you can arrive at a peaceful place as well.
Take care of yourselves. No one can take care of you the way you can. Be honest with others if you're capable - they might understand and be helpful in unexpected ways during the mourning process. All the best to you.
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YtrapEhtNioj45 karma2019-03-15 15:54:51 UTC
Would you do it again? If so would you notice the inevitable changes that occur block to block? Like "hey, that used to be a sushi joint" or "wow that apartment building got a facelift"
YtrapEhtNioj31 karma2018-10-11 15:28:54 UTC
I never considered the physical aspect of a pregnancy loss until it happened to me. I was losing blood, I was weak and in pain. Add to that the emotional toll. It was so hard. People brought by soup and easy meals to digest. I didn't want anything fancy. The best was when someone brought by homemade chicken noodle with some soda crackers and cookies. It was so comforting. I could hardly care for myself at the time. I didn't care much to eat but knew I had to. I certainly would not have made food like that for myself. It was nice to have it there for me when I was ready to eat.
Edit: also understand that she may want to be alone. I was embarrassed to have my body betray me the way it did. I didn't know who I was for a while. I didn't want to look at myself, let alone have anyone else look at me. Pregnancy loss can really mess with you.
YtrapEhtNioj8 karma2018-10-11 15:20:17 UTC
I'm sorry. It seems like there are so many similarities. I'm almost 30, my husband is a bit older. We've been together almost 10 years now. We waited until we were financially ready (took a few years longer than I thought/hoped) and now I regret not trying sooner.
We are pretty much the last of all our friends to have a baby so that part has been rough. We've seen everyone go on to have a kid and it's frustrating. I've had some issues with my MIL and I had to tell her why the things she said upset me. It was tough but I needed to clear the air. I did so with the support of my husband and FIL. things did get better and she learned to be careful about what she says. There are still things people say that upset me but there isn't much I can do about it.
Boxing helps. No joke. I freaking love it. I get angry, I put on the gloves and punch a punching bag, get real sweaty and then things feel better for a while.
YtrapEhtNioj1 karma2018-02-14 04:13:35 UTC
I’ve got a good one for you. I work in a place where there’s a shared office. Three of us were talking about an old tv show but there’s also a movie series with the same name so we’re talking about specifics. I’m paranoid so I don’t want to use the actual tv show...let’s say it was Twilight Zone. One person goes “oh yeah, the one by [specific director]” and we all agree that’s the one. About ten minutes later someone goes to their phone and there’s an ad that says “Twilight Zone by specific director.” Keep in mind this is a show that has not been on the air in well over 15 years. Also keep in mind it wasn’t actually Twilight Zone but a more obscure show. It was creepy. We were all a little weirded out after that.
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