WitlessMean

Good question. I never really thought about this. I would say, let the child know his/her opinion really, really MATTERS. And if you can, let him/her know of their situation. For me, I thought for the longest time that what I was doing was completely normal. Not that everyone else was doing it, but I thought it was completely normal. Everything that came with my process. I wasn't really aware that I was different and that it was okay to be different. I sort of figured that out the hard way by saying things i shouldn't have or messing up something, and then maybe getting bullied for it in school or laughed at. When you're in a system like that, it's just people constantly telling you what to do. Like "you're with us now, you do this this and this". It was like my new homes never took into consideration that it was actually a HUGE change and could take some getting used to. Therefore the way I would respond to that "getting used to" was sometimes welcomed with punishment or visits to the doctor or therapist. Just in general be understanding. I'm kind of going off on a tangent here but to return to my original point of making sure they know their opinions matter, I'll give you an example. So I would visit my therapist and social worker every few weeks or so, and they would always ask me the same questions. Like, how are you, what did you do this week, blah blah. My 4th family was actually super abusive (they had 7 other kids in the house all but 2 adopted, and it was clear they didn't like children so I've thought in recent years they did this for some sort of government pay off, but i could be COMPLETELY wrong here). And so I would tell these people about my family, and how I hated them and wanted to leave. I swear to god, that never amounted to anything. EVER. Those are the adults. They're supposed to help. If they can't help, who can? i would think. And so I just gave up. I didn't know about other methods of communication besides my family, the social worker, and the therapist. One time I told my brother I hated my father and wanted to leave, he then told my father, who then beat me. So I just grew up thinking everything I said was useless. So yeah, sorry for the long story, but just make sure they realize they matter, even though they're in a system that makes them feel like they may have no control.

please pm me. I'll try to help

oh my god this would be a huuuuge answer and so I'm going to try to make it very short, and if people want to branch off of this, it's fine.

I would say there aren't really benefits to being with 5 different families really. None that anyone would enjoy having anyway. I'm used to saying goodbye and moving. So moving is like, no huge deal for me at all. (my brother is the complete opposite of this) Relationship are easy (and very hard at times, (complicated topic)) to break off of. You're getting 5 very different, and in my case i mean VERY different families, who all have an opinion about you that matters very, very much.

Positive experiences: I can't really think of any. I met a lot of people, and had a lot of going away parties.

Negative experiences: Abuse, depression, i was on very strange medication that the doc took me off of as soon as i moved to the 5th home. Lots and lotttts of questions on my mind for years. Extremely jaded when it comes to love. For example, I'm 25 and have yet to been in a serious relationship. I'm a decent looking guy, girls like me, but it's just so hard to trust love after being thrown away so many times. At least, that's my excuse. Not ever feeling like a part of a family/culture. I know it sounds weird, but I feel like I've never felt real family love. It's just like, people who took care of me. Even though I love my father now and am grateful to him, it just feels like he doesn't know me. In fact, it feels like I really can't relate to anyone based on experience. This makes talking to people or feeling accepted kind of hard sometimes.

I'd say the BIGGEST effect right now is probably just my own brain being strange. I'm doing well now but it just feels like there's a void in me sometimes. About my biological family I guess. I have two sisters that were separated from me and my brother and i haven't talked to them in like 17 years. This kind of thinking effects me every day. As far as positive things go, I have friends that obviously i would have never made without moving. I'm in graduate school which trust me, would have most likely NEVER happened in any of the other homes. So yeah.

Yeah, my 4th family would send me on respite. Basically they send you to another family who takes care of you for a couple weeks. It's funny, because they did this like 5 times, so you could say I've lived in even more homes really. I looked at some respite websites years later and it made me sick that they were like, happy parents in the advertisements just hanging out with kids. Yeah, at some of those homes that did happen, but the context behind it was so dark for me. My parents would basically get sick of me, and then take a break from me. How messed up is that? They did this to me one christmas and new years as well. i still remember the kids from that family opening presents while i just sat there. Ohhhh it kind of cracks me up that something of that nature even exists. I was the only child they sent away like that too, so in that way i also felt very different.

Hello. In foster care, families don't need to adopt you immediately or at all. They basically keep you for a while and decide whether or not they want you in the end. I assume it isn't ALWAYS this decision process. Some families most likely know they are going to have to give you up, and may be doing a favor, taking care of you for some time. But in my case, every family would tell me (and my brother) that we'd be staying with them forever. This promise was never actually kept until the 5th home. I wanted to stay at all the homes actually. Moving was brutal as a kid because you had to make friends and start all over every single time. And I mean ALL OVER. It wasn't like moving today. If I were to get a job somewhere and move, I'd still be in contact with friends etc. Back then it was like "okay bye everyone forever", which happened 4 times. It's like living 5 totally different lives. So to avoid this, I really just wanted to stay with every one, with maybe a tiiiiiiny exception to the 4th home because they were physically abusive parents.