I want to kill myself. I think about it every day. I have dreams about it. I work for $12 an hour, 40 hours a week for about 21k a year before taxes. I have a 3 month old son and an unemployed wife. I get home from work and spend hours playing games on my phone so that I can block out the noise from the rest of the world. I struggle to fall asleep, I struggle to wake up.
I know I’m depressed, but without health insurance I worry that my “in and out” prescription writing doctor that I pay $35 to visit won’t take the time to properly diagnose me and put me on the medicine I need. I worry that taking the wrong medicine will just make it worse. I smoke two packs a day and it drains the little money I have. I know I need to stop, I want to stop. Seems like I just make more and more excuses not to, mainly being the small bit of stress relief I gain from it. I have Xanax from the black market that I take on occassion, no more than once every week or two. It helps, but it’s really just another way to block out the stress. Doesn’t fix the problems, just helps me hide from them. I know my son will be taken care of if I’m gone. That’s something I tell myself.
I know there are other people out there dealing with this, I’m sure there will be people in this thread in similar situations. I just feel like nobody around me understands. Nobody that I try to talk to can truly feel what I’m feeling. This is just the tip of the iceberg. Petty drama and family issue culminate with each passing day.
I’m losing hope.
Where do I start?
WILD_THR0WAWAY57 karma
I want to kill myself. I think about it every day. I have dreams about it. I work for $12 an hour, 40 hours a week for about 21k a year before taxes. I have a 3 month old son and an unemployed wife. I get home from work and spend hours playing games on my phone so that I can block out the noise from the rest of the world. I struggle to fall asleep, I struggle to wake up. I know I’m depressed, but without health insurance I worry that my “in and out” prescription writing doctor that I pay $35 to visit won’t take the time to properly diagnose me and put me on the medicine I need. I worry that taking the wrong medicine will just make it worse. I smoke two packs a day and it drains the little money I have. I know I need to stop, I want to stop. Seems like I just make more and more excuses not to, mainly being the small bit of stress relief I gain from it. I have Xanax from the black market that I take on occassion, no more than once every week or two. It helps, but it’s really just another way to block out the stress. Doesn’t fix the problems, just helps me hide from them. I know my son will be taken care of if I’m gone. That’s something I tell myself. I know there are other people out there dealing with this, I’m sure there will be people in this thread in similar situations. I just feel like nobody around me understands. Nobody that I try to talk to can truly feel what I’m feeling. This is just the tip of the iceberg. Petty drama and family issue culminate with each passing day. I’m losing hope. Where do I start?
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