From my experience, a major way people screw it up is if they're trying to use poly to paper over a problemed relationship.
Poly is like deciding that playing the relationship game on "easy" difficulty is boring, so let's crank the difficulty to "expert" where both the risks and the rewards can be greater...
I believe that one should already have a near perfect, ultra stable, long term, loving, supportive relationship before one should consider adding more people to the mix. And then people should be added very slowly so that those relationships can either become just as stable and supportive or fall off of the main due to discovered flakiness. One should not "poly-date" someone just bemuse they're cute and potentially lovable, people who want in should also be ready and able to play the relationship game at "expert" level.
I believe there's a reason that polyamorus people who are older tend to report much more happiness in their poly relationships. In my experience there is a qualitative difference between 20 year old poly people who are still trying to sort through mono issues in a poly setting and >40 year old poly people who have 20 years or more experience with making relationships work.
It sounds to me like someone in your dad's household should have stepped up a long time ago and voted one or two of the people introducing hostility and instability off of the island.
Have you ever said anything about this to your dad? There's absolutely no good reason for 5-6 people to be stuck in the same abusive relationship with one emotional abuser...
ViperOrel234 karma
From my experience, a major way people screw it up is if they're trying to use poly to paper over a problemed relationship.
Poly is like deciding that playing the relationship game on "easy" difficulty is boring, so let's crank the difficulty to "expert" where both the risks and the rewards can be greater...
I believe that one should already have a near perfect, ultra stable, long term, loving, supportive relationship before one should consider adding more people to the mix. And then people should be added very slowly so that those relationships can either become just as stable and supportive or fall off of the main due to discovered flakiness. One should not "poly-date" someone just bemuse they're cute and potentially lovable, people who want in should also be ready and able to play the relationship game at "expert" level.
I believe there's a reason that polyamorus people who are older tend to report much more happiness in their poly relationships. In my experience there is a qualitative difference between 20 year old poly people who are still trying to sort through mono issues in a poly setting and >40 year old poly people who have 20 years or more experience with making relationships work.
It sounds to me like someone in your dad's household should have stepped up a long time ago and voted one or two of the people introducing hostility and instability off of the island.
Have you ever said anything about this to your dad? There's absolutely no good reason for 5-6 people to be stuck in the same abusive relationship with one emotional abuser...
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