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Vez_day2 karma

Thank you for the thoughtful reply. Today has been very hard. I am looking for a grief counselor. I know I need therapy badly, as I have since being separated from my mom. It is amazing how many therapists/counselors/etc don’t have the professional courtesy to write or call potential clients back. It happened so many times over the summer that I stopped looking. My work is one on one with clients. I do have great friends among families I work with that are also very supportive, but at that time I cannot grieve as I will break down. People with dementia are empathic. I can’t risk bringing my client’s mood down.

I walk my dog. She is my current therapist and all she requires for payment are biscuits and belly rubs. Long walks, talks with neighbors, watching shows with my partner, and video games are pretty much what I do to take care of myself. I used to be a nightly meditator, but my motivation is so hard to rein in. Thank you for listening and all you’ve said. I really appreciate you taking the time. Best to you over the holidays, too.

Vez_day1 karma

My mom was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s about 7 years ago. Since I am the youngest of four and a caregiver as a career, my siblings thought it was best she move closest to me (none of us lived close to our home town). My eldest sister (12 years older) tried for a year or so to care for mom, but dementia is a hard disease to manage if you don’t have the skills. So, we moved Mom close to me. I was very happy. I found a place 2 miles away. A lovely adult care home with 4 other adults with similar cognitive disorders. Things seemed like they were really going great and mom settled in. The day after Thanksgiving in 2019, the operator told the families they had 30 days to find a new place for their loved ones. She had been there almost three years at this point. We were all in shock. It was the holidays and we had to move?! First of all, moving a person with dementia means their routine gets up ended and they have to start over somewhere new. This takes time and lots of emotional support. Long story shorter, I had to move my mom to a facility with more than 45 residents. It was much louder and much more sterile than the cottage she was forced out of. It would take me hours to leave my visits with her because I felt so guilty. A couple of months went by and mom started to fall back into place. I would drive to see her whenever I could outside of work. This place was 15 miles away. Then COVID hit. All of the sudden I couldn’t see my mom. I couldn’t hold her hand and reassure her. I couldn’t joke with her and her friends. I lost the little bit of control I had to make sure she was safe. I was completely fearful she would lose her memory of me. I was so overcome with this department of grief, I called The Alzheimer’s Association for counseling. With the help of a sweet lady, I decided I would write my feelings down every day. Then I thought, I will write a blog and the caregivers can read it to her. Complete with daily photos of what was going on in my life. Two hundred and twenty-nine consecutive posts. Never a miss. We also were able to do weekly video chats, but screens and dementia do not work well. I was thrilled she could hear my voice regardless. Then COVID made its way into the building. Mom’s roommate acquired the virus then mom did. My letters went unread and there were no more video chats. The facility was doing their absolute best to deal with the illness and keep families informed, but it had been days since we had talked or that I’d seen her. She passed away on Thanksgiving and we buried her back home on her birthday. I am so completely lost in grief while trying to maintain a job as a caregiver for people with dementia and I feel consumed. I’m not quite sure how I compartmentalize and work, but I do. The only time I have to grieve is on a weeknight/weekend. It’s all so raw. I lost my dad in 2003 from Alzheimer’s, as well. No living grandparents, aunts, or uncles. I do have a partner with two living parents, but I don’t even know how to interact well outside of my work persona anymore. She does the best to console me and gives me space. I have an extremely supportive best friend of over 35 years that is my rock. I don’t even know what my question is except how do I put the pieces back together to feel normalcy? I do have some peaks, but so many things become a reminder or memory of mom and then I sink again. Thank you for doing this AMA❤️