ThrowRA1887

I am a 34 year old man who has never had sex. I know this is makes me a somewhat minority, and that fact makes it difficult for me to date and creates a negative feedback loop.

In your experience, are there general suggestions for people in such a predicament to help them overcome this gap in experience and successfully date? I have had counselors in the past but it always seems to be handwaved to some degree for more generalized treatments (i.e. "am I depressed", "am I anxious") but from my POV the reality of being a male virgin at this stage of life is the core issue and nobody offers suggestions which have worked for others in the same scenario.

Thanks!

It's really not anything terribly dramatic truthfully. I grew up in a religious household, I had an awkward end of relationship with my first gf that made me develop some anxiety about dating which prevented me from having any relationships throughout my schooling. Eventually I got over most of my anxiety but in my adult life I have put myself out there a few times and it's just hard connecting with people romantically. I think people expect you to have some sort of obvious "complex" but the reality is just that the months and years slip by. You feel bad that it isn't working out but when there's no obvious single reason, it's not easy to fix either.

I basically just live my life but trying to go out there and date adults who've been dating people on and off for 15+ years while you've been completely single and not having sex just makes it pretty tough to click. Other people my age are more "streamlined" in their dating approach; it's not new territory to them and they're busy people with specific things they're looking for. They're not "learning to date" in the same way that I'm trying to.

Edit: I think it's hard for people to understand that when you're well adjusted with respect to something in life, you don't really get what it would be like to not be well adjusted. Like if you met someone who has no friends, and you have a lot of friends, you can sympathize but you don't really "get" what it's like to not have friends. I still am optimistic I'll work out my relationship shit, but honestly I don't talk about it even with my close friends anymore because my experience in life has been that people don't get it and just can't really empathize because it's an alien experience to them.