So, I made this throw away for what are going to become obvious reasons.
when I was in my young teens, my older sister was anorexic and bulimic. Coming home and hearing her vomit became the norm. She was cruel to me and would make harsh remarks about how she was older, yet smaller than I was. I wasnt obese at that age, maybe in the 140's.
Im 19 now and have been throwing up my meals secretly for 2 or 3 years. I live with my boyfriend and his family, and I would never tell them. I have insanely low self esteem, pessimism, and have suffered depression from a poor childhood trauma.
Before I started throwing up, I had considered what it could do to me. I am very self aware, and thought to my self that "I can stop when I want to. When ive lost enough." I relies that now that I am an addict with a serious disease. I catch myself still thinking that "i can stop when I want to", but I loath the feeling of being full. It makes me physically ill.
When I was young I was not provided by properly. Especially with food. Now that I live in a home that provides properly, I eat normally. on a good week, I only puke once or twice in 2 days. On a bad week... I puke up to 6 or 7 times a day.
Ive only ever told my sister this. to which she laughed at me and told me to do "whatever". It made me feel awful, and I havnt been able to talk about it to anyone sense.
My problem is fueled by my lack of self worth. Under no circumstances could I tell the man that I love, because honestly, I think he'd think that I dont look like im bulimic. Because I dont. Im 140 pounds now. I maybe only loose a pound a week.
I dont even know if I want advice... I dont like what Im doing I just wanted to tell someone...
ThrowAway_9thousand27 karma
So, I made this throw away for what are going to become obvious reasons.
when I was in my young teens, my older sister was anorexic and bulimic. Coming home and hearing her vomit became the norm. She was cruel to me and would make harsh remarks about how she was older, yet smaller than I was. I wasnt obese at that age, maybe in the 140's.
Im 19 now and have been throwing up my meals secretly for 2 or 3 years. I live with my boyfriend and his family, and I would never tell them. I have insanely low self esteem, pessimism, and have suffered depression from a poor childhood trauma.
Before I started throwing up, I had considered what it could do to me. I am very self aware, and thought to my self that "I can stop when I want to. When ive lost enough." I relies that now that I am an addict with a serious disease. I catch myself still thinking that "i can stop when I want to", but I loath the feeling of being full. It makes me physically ill.
When I was young I was not provided by properly. Especially with food. Now that I live in a home that provides properly, I eat normally. on a good week, I only puke once or twice in 2 days. On a bad week... I puke up to 6 or 7 times a day.
Ive only ever told my sister this. to which she laughed at me and told me to do "whatever". It made me feel awful, and I havnt been able to talk about it to anyone sense.
My problem is fueled by my lack of self worth. Under no circumstances could I tell the man that I love, because honestly, I think he'd think that I dont look like im bulimic. Because I dont. Im 140 pounds now. I maybe only loose a pound a week.
I dont even know if I want advice... I dont like what Im doing I just wanted to tell someone...
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