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ThrowAwaitYesterdate2271 karma

It's usually the reprocessing of the raw stinging feeling I felt once we all sat helplessly watching the same press conference that everyone else watched, knowing that it was happening just two blocks away. We all knew that a gunmen had fired some rounds off inside a building and had hit some people, but no one had any idea of the magnitude until the police chief--beside himself--said "in the ball park of two dozen fatalities." After that we all sank into an alternate surreal reality of denial and tried to understand how the fuck that was even possible. That stinging feeling, combined with the ensuing panic of everyone trying to scramble and figure out who all was killed/injured is what goes through my head still.

I was about 400-500 yards away from Norris Hall and walking in that direction to class when individual people started sprinting past me in the opposite direction. No one stopped to tell me anything, so it was weird, but at the same time, I was just far enough away that I didn't have any context to know why they were running. Finally I spotted someone I knew that was also running, stopped them, and he told me what was happening, so I calmly went back to my apartment (just on the edge of campus), and checked my school email, which just had a vague "incident lockdown" note.

I'm doing better as the years go on. There all kinds of moments though... pockets of life's accomplishments (weddings, child births, etc.) where I'll find myself reflecting "there are 32 people that will never have this opportunity, and there's absolutely no good reason why I could have end up being one of them."

ThrowAwaitYesterdate1193 karma

It's hard for me being so close to it, to evaluate him in an unbiased way. Frankly, most of us refuse to even utter his name.

My roommate had a small intimate (12 person) creative writing class with him. He once stood up and basically shared a fictional free writing assignment about how he would murder people. So there were plenty of signs and cries for help that we should have all taken more seriously. My roommate still carries a sense of failure in that regard.

I still feel sorry for his family, and for anyone struggling as an outcast or with a mental illness, but as you can imagine, it's very difficult for me to muster any sympathy for him directly.

ThrowAwaitYesterdate1120 karma

Since I was only in town for 2 months after the fact (I graduated), there truly wasn't enough time to resume a "normal daily routine" for me. I'd be curious to know that from someone who still had 1-3 years left to go, though.

But when the time did come to leave Blacksburg, it hurt bad. It felt like I was being forced to abandon something in need of help that I had no choice but to leave behind. The months that followed were routinely painful as I went to job interview after job interview, and got asked the same exact sequence of questions in the middle of a job interview:

<looks at resume> "Mkay, I see here that you majored in mass communication at Virgin...oh. you were there? Did you know anybody?..."

ThrowAwaitYesterdate1112 karma

Everyone was comfortable being on campus pretty much that same night. In fact, for many of us, it was the only place that actually felt comfortable, because it was the only common space we could all grieve together.

The weeks that followed actually became more uncomfortable to be on campus simply because there were reporters doing any and everything you could possibly think of to score an interview or gain a reaction on camera. The Corps of Cadets were ordered to stop wearing military uniforms simply so they would "blend in" while on campus.

The drillfield (where the memorial now is) pretty much became a giant ceremonious visitation gathering spot though, so everyone naturally congregated to it in the middle of campus, despite it only being 100 yards from the building where the shooting took place.

ThrowAwaitYesterdate922 karma

<3

I have to say one of the best things to come out of that was how respectful and mindful future generations have been since we've left Blacksburg. Everyone time I've gone back to visit, there are current students there at the memorial paying their respects, reading the placards. It's nice.