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TheRevererdWilliams30 karma

Love that bit. My wife is so sick of me randomly asking her, "Do you have a flag?" I alternate with "Are you an assassin? " from Apocalypse Now.

TheRevererdWilliams27 karma

Interesting. I'm a native English speaking attorney (actually a judge) and in my professional life a relatively slow speaker. When I was an associate in a firm, several partners routinely criticized me for taking things in and then responding in a slower/calmer manner, as they thought this demonstrated indecisiveness or uncertainty. While I always agreed with #2 here, the only direct feedback I've ever gotten on this point is the opposite.

TheRevererdWilliams12 karma

I was raised in Northern Lower Michigan, so raised with a a slower speech rate, then worked in San Francisco, which is all over place. Now that I think about it, their criticism was likely less about my rate of speech and more about my not just jumping in to hear myself talk. As a litigator, there's a time to start talking without knowing where you are going (e.g. objections at deposition or trial). But when given the option of immediately blathering on or formulating a a coherent statement, I've usually elected the latter. I absolute get what you are saying. I'm not an excitable guy, and a boss at one of the federal agencies at which I worked -- generally an idiot -- said that meant I didn't care. He liked the attorney in the next office that through staplers and two-hole punches at the file clerk.

TheRevererdWilliams12 karma

I definitely could see that as some thought I didn't care enough, but I was a high biller and was never seen as too cool for the job. My career took a different trajectory as I was a very good litigator and was poached by a client inhouse. From there I went to federal agencies and then became a judge. My natural disposition tracks nicely with "judicial demeanor." I spend half my time in mediations and being quiet and empathetic is critical. So I changed my career to fit my temperament instead of really changing myself. I don't think I could have altered my approach and sustained. Short term, I've learned to consciously smile bigger and laugh louder. My wife says she's jealous of "party" me because she can't be fake. I over simplify a lot of this to introverts basically get extroverts; extroverts are basically clueless about introverts. Having said all of that, if I was earlier in my career -- I'm focused now on setting up my retirement -- I would definitely read your book.