TKDgirl

I was confused and really afraid when my sister woke me up, I was just following and trusting her.

We rode on cattle carriages in the middle of the night. There were 5 families, but we all fended for ourselves. We had to cross a checkpoint and we were stuck there. In fact, they only stopped me and told the rest of the carriages to leave.

My sister and her husband were scared for me, they tried bribing the guy overlooking the checkpoint in vain.

He took me to a cabin where I was kept in a room alone. My sister and brother-in-law were begging the guards to release me but they wouldn't.

I don't know how much my brother-in-law gave to the guards, after maybe 2-3 hours, they released me.

Once released, my sister and her husband gave me some money just in case something like that happened again.

After 3-4 km, there was another checkpoint. Our guide, the one who owns the cattle carriage, left to talk to a guard. A few moments later, my sister and brother-in-law were ask to follow. At the time, my sister had two children, she carried her son while I was far behind looking after her daughter during their interrogations with the guard.

He asked them where they were going, my sister answered they were leaving for the next village. He walked to me asking me where I was going, with my niece still in my arms, I answered I was following my husband (which was a lie). He then questioned where my husband was, I said he was in a camp in Thailand working, that it's been a long time since I've seen him, which is why I'm looking to go to him now.

I was really afraid then. I was still celibate then, my sister told me to lie to protect myself prior to the escape.

The guard proceeded to ask about my niece whom I was still holding, I told him she was my daughter. My husband had left the two of us alone for too long, I needed to find him. He didn't believe me, so he went back to ask my sister. She supported the lie.

The guard brought my sister and brother-in-law to a room. Moments later, they came back out, the guard seemed satisfied with his interrogations.

I thought maybe my sister bribed him, which is why they were released.

We continued crossing the jungle for a few more hours.

(part 2 coming. She's drinking water.)

PART II.

It was around 1 PM and it was scorching hot. My sister didn't want my face to be seen, so she used a fabric to use as a veil. Deeper in the jungle, the carriage owner decided to bring his cattle for a drink of water -- we went even deeper and away from the roads. I remained in the carriage with my niece still in my arms. When he brought brought his cattle to the water, my brother-in-law and another family member noticed him speaking with checkpoint guards. They didn't think much of it, like it was just a normal conversation they were having. Shortly after, the guards hopped on their motorcycle and went ahead of us.

After the break, we continued our way to the next checkpoint. About half an hour later, we arrived and this one was a much bigger one; there were many armed guards. They asked the usual questions, first to my sister, then my brother-in-law. But they didn't spend much time on them, they quickly came interrogating me.

The two who had left by motorcycle earlier came up to me and asked where I was going. I was really afraid, I didn't unveil myself and hugged my niece. They demanded my face to be revealed. At that moment, my sister was afraid. I continued saying I was meeting my husband in Thailand. They forced me to get off the carriage, and only me. My sister and brother-in-law whispered not to follow their orders, but I had no choice. They were all armed and didn't want anything happening to my family.

Once off, still with my niece in my arms, they ordered for all the carriages to go on without me. My sister was getting more afraid, she whispered me to slowly walk behind the carriage. As they began to move, my niece noticed my sister getting further away, she then jumped out of my arms and yelled for her mom. She was only around 2 years old then. Not even 2, actually.

It was then that the guards caught me in the lie.

They ordered me to bring my niece back to my sister and for the rest of the people to move on. I was then left behind with armed soldiers who brought me under a tree. They started hounding me, calling me out on my lies. I still kept with the story about my husband in Thailand, but they didn't believe me anymore. I begged them to let me leave but they wouldn't listen.

A moment later, they asked how much money I had. I took out the amount given earlier, but they refused and still wouldn't let me leave.

I was crying, they went back to a cabin and came back. One of them said that everything was all good now, that he will bring me back to the carriage with the rest of the people who were already on their way.

He carried me on his motorcycle, promising me I'd join my family. There was another guard who followed us behind. We rode for a while until I spotted the carriage as expected, but we didn't stop. They said we'll stop a bit further up. My sister and brother-in-law kept their eyes on me as we passed. I felt even more in danger at that point.

We went really far, turned left, went off the road back into the jungle. This spot was familiar, I had heard many detailed descriptions of this place; I knew it was where soldiers would bring women to rape and kill them.

The motorcycle following us behind stopped first while we kept on going.

Once in, he made me get off the motorcycle and he followed me with his gun. He demanded to search my body for possessions, I knew it was a lie. I was already afraid, but lost all hopes, so I answered: "I have nothing, I will not allow you to search me." He insisted. I told myself I was done, I knew he was going to rape me. But I kept refusing to let him touch me and if he wants to do so I'd rather die. This was it.

The roads were quiet, I could feel it then. My sister and brother-in-law were far now.

After my defiance, I decided to run for it. My vision was blurry because I was crying, but I didn't care.I knew I was going to die for this, but I kept going. I heard a single gunshot coming from behind me, but I didn't stop. The guard who had stopped first saw me and yelled at his partner asking why I was crying; I felt it was a fake-pity coming him.

I kept on running and went really far. When I was back on the road, I came across a man on a bike. I was afraid for my life then still, he offered to take me on his bike, kept on saying "get on! get on!". I decided to take a chance and hopped on, we then rode away even further across the road and jungle. Not long after, I saw my sister and brother-in-law waiting. We had arrived at a crossing border where their soldiers were fighting the guards we've encountered.

My sister and her husband ran to me and hugged me in tears, my sister kept crying for a long time. She said she heard a gunshot and was so sure I was dead. The cyclist told me I was lucky, no one ever escapes that spot. He even called me brave (laugh).

My brother-in-law was extremely angry, he was holding a stick of wood and was literally waiting for the two soldiers to kill them. That never ended up happening.

In the evening, my sister and I went ahead first towards our final destination: the refugee camp. My brother-in-law and a few other men joined us much later. We found out that they had stayed behind with the cattle owner to brutally beat him up, he was the one who gave away to the guards that I was single, a virgin, and beautiful. Which was why I kept being singled out from the beginning. I almost died because of him.

---

I apologize for the redundancy, I was trying to keep up with her telling the story as I typed.

I will answer in the meantime, my mom's asleep.

It's an old mentality with a long history where Cambodian people hold a grudge againt Vietnamese, resulting to hatred most of the time.

I'm sad to say that I was a little exposed to it growing up; I was once told I could marry whoever I want as long as he's not black or Vietnamese. But the times have changed, my parents are less filled with such hate towards any group of people.

I recently finished that book and had to put it down many times. Mainly because I felt that's what both my parents went through.

The story of soldiers chasing off city folks towards villages was exactly how my dad told me too - he hasn't read the book. The many points in common were escaping from villages to villages, lying about your identity, the labour, the things you see. I'd say a good chunk of the author's story could be told by any survivors.

I had 10 brothers and sisters and 5 half siblings. Only 4 of us survived after the war.

I can understand the feelings from the older generation or ones who are extremely nationalists... But unfair to hold such a grudge for this long. I just wish there was some sort of agreement between all countries, acknowledgement of history, and move on. But such is my hippy-ish dream!